New to Fitness - A Primer

It's a new year and a new round of New Year's Resolutioners at the gym.

I've been fairly fortunate that my gym has not been inundated with people on their New Year's kick. Hopefully that's not a bad thing that means my gym is struggling to survive. Hopefully it's just because I workout at asscrack o'clock when nobody else wants to be there.

Those of us who are gym regulars cringe during this time of year because there are so many new people who don't know what they're doing or are unfamiliar with that particular gym or maybe just don't understand that not everyone else is new and that maybe they shouldn't try to correct the big dog. Or get in her way.

As a Gym Hippo*, I'd like to provide some tips and tricks for those of you who are new to the fitness experience. I wrote something awhile back that speaks to how the fitness world can work better for non-athletes and that post speaks to a lot of tools you can use to help achieve your goals, but this post is specific to you, the New Kid at the Gym.

1. Own What's Yours (You are not a mind reader.)

A couple of months ago, a blog post went viral that spoke to the experience of one fat woman at the gym ("Hello Fellow Gym Goers Look at my Fat Butt"). It is an experience that many of us can relate to and I don't want to invalidate it as a legitimate experience.

However.

None of us are mind readers. As much as we feel like we may know what a person is thinking when they give us that look, we genuinely don't. Sure, maybe they're thinking horrible thoughts about you being at the gym. But probably they're thinking about how they shouldn't have stayed up so late last night, or how they're muscling through a killer headache to get their workout in. Or you happen to be on "their" treadmill and they're trying to stifle the urge to hipcheck you off of it.

Yes, there are people who go to the gym for the sole purpose of not ending up fat. In my experience, the vast majority of gym regulars are there for fitness: to become fitter, faster, stronger, better than they were yesterday. Not because they want to lose an amount of weight, or stay a certain size, or lose a certain number of inches.

That feeling you get when you see someone look at you and you're sure they're thinking awful things? That's the voice of your own self-doubt. That horrible voice in your head that tries to convince you that you are not Worth It.

And you should absolutely, positively shut that lying bitch up.

2. Get Professional Help

I know. You've barely talked yourself into being able to fit a gym membership into your budget, you for sure don't have the extra money for a personal trainer.

I get it.

I do.

Most gyms offer group classes for free (or a small fee). Take them.

Yes.

Yes, you can.

Because nobody is going to judge you for taking a break when you need to, modifying a movement, or leaving the class early. Take the classes. Listen to your body. Don't be afraid to push yourself.

You can do more than you think you can.

3. Get Accountability

This will mean different things for different people.

Maybe you join a fitness challenge or get a gym buddy or blog your workouts. Make yourself goals that involve how many times you go to the gym, how long you work out for, take a certain number of classes in a week. Goals like "I will finish three fitness classes this week" are the goals that will get you progress. Not "I will lose 2 pounds this week".

4. Nutrition Counts

Even if you workout for an hour every day, that's only 4% of your day. You still have 23 more hours to fuck it up.

I love this video & think it's a great demonstration of what I'm getting at: "You can't out train a bad diet."

Working out is awesome, don't get me wrong, but you can't follow it up by eating the same crap you've probably been eating. You don't have to change everything overnight, and attempting that would set most people up for disaster. But what you can do is make numerous small changes that add up. Sure, I can give you a list, but there are so many examples online. My suggestion is to eat as close to real, whole foods as you can. Hell, just start by reading In Defense of Food. It's not a diet plan, it wasn't even written by a nutritionist or a diet expert. It was written by a journalist who did a shit-ton of research to bring you some amazing information you're not going to get from someone trying to sell you a meal plan.

5. Build a Community

Possibly the biggest tip I can give you.

When I first started, I wanted to do everything myself, by myself. I was ashamed and embarrassed and felt like I should be able to figure this out on my own. Doesn't everyone figure this shit out on their own?

No.

They don't.

Building a community gives you not only more resources and help, it gives you a cheering squad when it gets tough, people who check in on you when you've been absent, and, most importantly, friends who support and encourage your new, fit lifestyle.

6. Don't Bite the Big Dog

You're new here. She's not. Part of learning how to workout in the gym is learning how to share space and equipment and how to share space with people who are working out in a way that you maybe don't agree with.

My pet peeve? Plate slammers. You know the ones that sit on the weight machines and make the plates slam on every rep? I'm pretty sure that means they're doing it wrong, and it kind of makes me want to smack them. But I'm not their personal trainer. I don't know their story. As much as I'd love to go tell them off, it's not my place and I sure the fuck do not have the training or experience to know for sure that what they're doing is dangerous**.

So I roll my eyes, turn my iPod up, and hope I can ignore them.

Because all I can control is me.

Photo courtesy of Chip at Body Tribe - Flipping tires is a ridiculous amount of fun.

Well, kids, that's all I've got for you today. Do you have some tips & tricks that you'd like to share with fitness newbs? Just fill in that fancy sharing box below!

*Gym Hippo: Because I'm not thin enough to be a Gym Rat

**The only time you should step in and offer a correction to someone is if you do happen to have the training and education to know that a person is doing something likely to cause physical harm. And, even then, be prepared to get told to stuff it.

An Open Letter to Gym Goers

Dear Random Women Who Use the Shower at the Gym,

The fuck is wrong with you?

I do not understand why you feel it is acceptable to leave a communal shower in the state that you leave it in.

I do not want to shower with your hairs all over the wall.

I do not want to shower with the wads of hair you left in the drain or on top of the soap dispenser (what?). You are clearly losing more hair than even I, and you maybe want to get that checked out.

I do not want to shower with the tampon you left dangling from the shower caddy (yes, really).

I do not want to shower with errant bobby pins or bandaids or whatever was left in your sample bottle of soap.

I do not understand why you feel it is appropriate to leave these things behind when you shower.

Do you believe that shower fairies come along behind you and clean the shower? I can assure you this isn't so.

I assume you are the same women who feel it is appropriate to hover over public toilets because they're "filthy", notwithstanding that the filthiest thing about them is the urine you just sprayed all over the seat for the next person.

Knock it off.

I suspect that you do not want to shower with any of these things, either. Why do you believe that others do?

Please have some courtesy for the other women that use these showers.

If you do not know how, please ask someone.

Your mother isn't here to clean up after you, there are no shower fairies, and the dude that hoses out the showers only does so once a day.

With Love,

I'm Cranky & I Haven't Had Coffee, Yet

PS: Apparently I'm not the only one annoyed by gym antics this week. You can check out Page's take on it here.

Creating a Better Fit - Fitness for the Rest of Us

I'm a little late to the party (like that's new), but Leah over at Mamavation posted a challenge to discuss ways in which the fitness industry could be better suited for everyone and not just those who are already fit.

As someone who has fairly recently been the New Fat Girl at the gym, I've definitely got some ideas about things I wish had been different. Let me preface this by saying that, prior to joining my current gym, I had no real fitness experience. Outside of PE when I was in school, occasional jags of walking-as-exercise and who can forget the "Abs of Steel" videos, I started from absolute scratch. I had no idea how to do anything outside of work a treadmill. I've still got a lot to learn and a long way to go, but I'm light years from where I started.

Here's my list of what helped, and what could have:

1. Classes - Basic, beginner, "welcome to your gym, here's how to use it" classes. Anything and everything from how to work the equipment, how to build your own routine, how often to do what, basic gym etiquette, how to choke out a door slammer without being noticed etc. You know, all that stupid shit that Gym Rats don't think about because they already know, but a newbie is going to feel intimidated by.

2. Workout Nutrition - Look, fat people know how to eat right. Honestly. It's a rare fatty who hasn't scoured article after article, book after book in search of that elusive "magic bullet" that's going to fix their scale. I don't need someone to talk with me about basic nutrition. However, as a Fitness Newbie, having someone I could talk to about fitness related fueling would have been super. When you're trying to lose weight and gain fitness, there's a fine line between refueling your body and eating back all the calories you've just burned. Having someone to talk to that is knowledgeable in all the various points of workout fueling (i.e. and won't just push whatever the gym's selling that day) would have been awesome.

3. Group fitness classes - I am a big fan of these. My gym offers yoga, spin & X-Bike, group interval training (think the Curves model), group strength training, aqua aerobics, step, zumba, pilates, boot camp, kickboxing, on and on! People who are fit may not have a use for many of these classes because they're already doing their own things, but those of us just getting started can get a great workout in and learn a lot about what we can do, how to do it and what we enjoy from classes like these. And I know quite a few Gym Rats who use these classes for cross training and to otherwise round out their routines.

4. Personal Trainers - I believe that sessions with qualified personal trainers should come standard with any new gym membership. Until I did the Body Fit Challenge at my gym last year, I had no idea how far I was from pushing my limits. I did more & went harder for our personal trainer than I ever would have for myself, and it really opened my eyes to what I was capable of and what I needed. I'm sure I'm not the only one who needs to be shown this when they start out.

5. Mentors - I'm not sure how this would work in the Real World, but we all know that, most of the time, there's a benefit to having a Gym Buddy. Especially if a newbie was paired up with someone more experienced, that might help that new person to feel more comfortable at the gym, as well as give them the motivation to come back regularly.

6. Ban infomercials & commercials about gimmicky weight loss & fitness products. I got stuck watching some commercials for these things recently, and, really, that shit's pretty convincing. Until you think about the body mechanics of what they're trying to sell and realize that it's not really going to work out the way they say it is. And I love it when they try to sell spot reduction devices, like for your abs or your arm waddle. You're right, it doesn't matter how many crunches you do, your abs will still be under that pudge until you learn to eat right. That slidy thing is not going to fix that for you.

7. Totally unrelated related rant: I believe the whole Paleo diet thing was created by Whole Foods to sell more of their expensive crap. Also? If you're doing Paleo and drinking coffee or looking for a Paleo-friendly pie recipe... I'm pretty sure you're doing it wrong.

I'm still no expert at the gym or about working out. I try to remember to stay outside of my comfort zone and I try to work out consistently. I make myself a training plan because I do have goals that I want to work towards. I know that I still have a lot to learn, but I feel a lot more confident than I did when I started. I think starting a fitness program is intimidating for a lot of the people who need it most. Can we change that? I don't know. A lot of that fear is in the individual's head and we can't fix that. But maybe we can make getting started a little less scary and lonely.

Update on Sweets Sabbatical

I know what you're all thinking.

And, no.

The Sweets Sabbatical did not fail miserably and I haven't been hiding in shame.

In fact, this is day five of the Sweets Sabbatical and I am still on track.

I know, right?

Here are some things I didn't expect from the Sweets Sabbatical:

1. I haven't been craving sweets. Here & there, maybe, but nowhere near as much as I'd have expected to be.

2. I'm hungry. The thing is, I haven't been replacing sweets with anything. I had no idea, really, that sweets took up such a big fat chunk of my daily caloric intake, but their absence? Um. Yeah. I'm noticing.

3. Headaches. I've had a headache by the end of every day. I'm guessing this is a combination of the calorie reduction and the absence of sweets. I did check in with an online calorie tracker and verified that my intake hasn't dropped below reasonably health levels. In case you were wondering.

I haven't been blogging because the hunger & munchies have made me obsessed with finding stuff to eat. Mostly I try to ignore it, but it's such a huge part of what's going on in my brain that sometimes there isn't much else in there. I did get some of that 100 calorie popcorn for times of desperate measure, but I figured that's really not that big of a deal, all things considered.

As long as I'm sticking to one bag. You know.

In other news, I'm working on getting back on track with working out. It's still kind of hit & miss, but, since my training season is over, I'm really not that concerned. I know I should be doing more, but I'm not beating myself up about it.

Because why?

I'll be starting my next training season December 1st and I have a lot of work to do. I'm not going to stress if I kind of take a break right now.

California Family Fitness is starting their iAMgroupFit program again on Monday. You fill a punch card by taking fitness classes and, when it's full, you get a t-shirt and you get entered into a drawing for prizes. I don't expect to win prizes, but the t-shirt is cool. Since I'll be off work all of next week, I'm already filling my calendar with potential classes. Because you know that's my favorite part of staycations - working out.

I know.

I don't know what's wrong with me, either.

PS:

I also submitted a membership request to a local trail running group. I'd really like to run trails more often, but I don't have anyone to run with and - as you know - I'm super slow. I'm hopeful that this will help me get some trails in.

Scheduling Changes

When I crafted my current training schedule, I really only detailed it through this weekend. The rest of the plan - through December - is mostly just roughed out. The runs are all accounted for, but timing and other cross training workouts are mostly guesses.

I knew there would be changes after this weekend, but it seems like there are going to be more changes than I anticipated.

For example, I knew that this Saturday is the very last Yoga in the Park for the season. I'm not going, of course, because the 108 Sun Salutations they'll be doing as part of the Yoga Aid Challenge is kind of far in the "inadvisable" realm for the day before running a first half marathon. Since last Saturday was the last day I had a regular, planned workout, I need to figure out a replacement.

This week I also found out that my regular Tuesday and Thursday morning class through my gym is ending. I'm pretty bummed about this, but considering that attendance had died pretty low, I understand why the class is getting shut down. However, this now means a total of three yoga classes in my regular week are gone and I need to figure out how to replace them.

This is just not right, y'all.

I know that I need to sit down with my schedules and figure everything out and replace the classes I can, and, for a neurotic over planner like me, that's not very hard. It does, however, leave me wondering if my time with California Family Fitness is winding down.

Which is not to say that I remained a member solely for a two day a week yoga class, however, it was the class I most consistently went to. I wonder if I might not be better served by a membership to a yoga studio and maybe one of the numerous CrossFit or weight lifting gyms in town.

But then I think about the XBike classes, which I enjoy, and the pool, which I've never used, and doubt leaving would be as easy as I think.

Hell. I guess I don't know. I suspect changes are not through coming my way, though, so, for now, I don't plan to shake things up considerably. My run plans will stay the same, I'll figure out how to add extra yoga classes back in, and I'll stick with the other cross training classes I'm taking.

After December, though, I just may be considering my alternatives.

Still Life with Hydration

I started Friday with a Group Strength Training (GST) class and then took XBike on lunch. And this is what my desk looked like after lunch.

I was kind of scared of getting back to GST because I haven't been since Texas. Yes, I know, I'm awful. Turned out we had a substitute instructor, which was great, because she had no idea how long I'd been gone from class. The class she taught was not as hard as our normal instructor, so I was happy about that because, hey, I haven't been in months. I figured it would be a nice way to get back into the groove, get some nice soreness going, no big deal.

Then I hit the 30 minute XBike class on lunch.

And then my legs removed themselves and ran away. But not before whacking me upside the head a few times.

My weekend plans include Yoga in the Park, running, more running and the Gender Bender Ball. It's going to be exciting! And by "exciting" I mean "this is going to hurt".

Exciting!

Workout Wednesday

I've followed the anywherefit blog since I found it in my search for local food & fitness blogs. I enjoy that the posts include photos and videos of WOD sessions.

This video was posted yesterday. Car pushing?


Sounds like fun.

Apprehensive Glutton (for Punishment)

Y'all know I'm totally fangirl for these guys, so I wanted to share this with you:


While finances and time (ok, and maybe a little bit of fear) have kept me from joining their gym so far, I'm thinking about trying out their workshops in the coming months. Although definitely probably after the Summer of Sweat.

Ramblings on a Theme

Friday was my very last day at my very first yoga studio in the Summer of Sweat Experiment. I will be posting reviews of the studio later this week. I will be breaking the review up into two parts, the first a stand-alone review of the studio and the second one more focused on my personal experience and thoughts. Since reviews tend to bring first timers in, I feel that it should be, as much as possible, readable as a solo piece. But I also want to share my personal reflections, including my reasons for wanting to stay, for deciding not to, and the personal "I'm kind of a freak" things I loved and didn't love about the experience.

I plan to take a few days off before starting my next Introductory Special Pass. Partly to get a break and some space before moving on to the next studio and partly to work on getting back to the other work outs that I've been slacking on for the last (way longer than) two weeks.

Like running.

I'm also hoping to work on my Super Secret Summer Fitness Goal*: swimming. Because I bought a bathing suit last year with the intention of using it in my gym's pool and, so far, the only water it's seen is the water in the washing machine.

Well then.

And because I just know you can't get enough of my fitness related babble, let's chat running, shall we?

Because I totally need a training plan. Which is not really that hard, right? There are tons of resources and sample training plans available, depending on what your goal is. It's super easy to piece together a training plan. But then I get hung up on stupid shit like routes and pace and also important shit like how the fuck do I make myself get out & do it? Because you know I kind of maybe have a track record for not being that great at following a training plan. What's worse is that I know myself well enough to be having a hard time figuring out how to make this happen.

I think the safest thing for me to do is sign on with a training program, but then we get into well, which one? and that's a whole other kettle of fish and don't you people know I'm indecisive?

Right.

So that's where we are.

*Apparently the Summer of Sweat wasn't enough, I had to add a Super Secret Summer Fitness Goal, too. But it's a secret.

Further Adventures in Sweat

Remember items 2 & 3?

I weighed myself this morning, eight days after I weighed in at 263, and found that I'm down three more pounds to 260.

That's including Christmas noshing times two, an office potluck of snackery and the craziness and laziness of a week off of work.

I have to admit: I'm kind of stunned.

I couldn't stop grinning.

Ok, so Group Strength Training (GST) kind of kicked my ass & I didn't grin so much. And now my core is trashed and my legs are kind of trashed and my shoulders are... Well, you get the picture.

Whatever!

I took my very first Pilates class last week while I was on vacation. Taking it after taking a GST & a yoga class on the same day was probably not the brightest idea I've ever had, but what are ya gonna do? Pilates is a special kind of hell. I think I like it! I took my second class on Monday and it was easier than the first time, but certainly not easy. I'm back at work now, so it'll be harder to get Pilates in. Most of the classes seem to be during working hours, which is kind of frustrating.

Hi! I'm rambling!

In other news, I got a *free* marathon training plan from the active.com facebook account. It's pretty cool, and looks similar to the other plans I was looking at. It appears to be mostly running for time, which kind of scares me, because I'm not that fast. But I figure that I've got plenty of time, and, if I find this doesn't work for me, I can always change. In the meantime, they've got kind of a neat little set up, which will be fun to use. But it also means I will be tracking workouts on three different websites. Which is kind of, I don't know, overkill?

Related: I am perplexed. I've read on a couple of sources about needing to replenish protein after a hard workout, including strength training and running. But I believe I've also read that, as long as you're getting enough protein in your regular diet, you don't need to supplement that within a certain period of time after a workout. I don't know if I should be making a point to eat some protein directly after a workout or if it's no big deal as long as I get the protein.

I'm done rambling, so have some pictures:


The Monkeys on Christmas


Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady (not me)!


Quite possibly one of my favorite photos ever: Me & Pop

On Addictions, Breakfasts and Breakdowns

If you've been around The Verbosery long enough, you might have picked up that I maybe kind of have a problem with food.

Not too long ago, I ran across this article in the Washington Post about David Kessler and his research into and findings about the chemical changes in the brain that are triggered by certain foods which can lead to food addiction.

And if you read that article, it gives you a very clear peek into not only my brain, but I'm sure the brains of countless other people out there.

When I read the article, I came close to tears because there, in print, in words from someone smarter than I, who had done research, was something I had suspected all along:

I have an addiction and my brain works against me.

If you've been around long enough, you know that I quit smoking (again) just over a year ago.

As hard as it is, kicking that addiction is much easier. It's easy to stop going to the stores where I purchased my cloves. It's easy to move away from the situations where I typically smoked. It's easy to change your habits so that not smoking becomes as normal as smoking was.

Eating, though, is a whole different ball game.

I mean.

A girl's gotta eat.

Eating is just not something one kicks cold turkey.

Yes, I can move towards better habits, I can cook for myself starting with whole foods, I can read label and be careful. I can do really well 75% or 90% of the time.

But sometimes you have to be out all day.

Or in the evening.

Or it's Thanksgiving.

Or you workout and then hit the commute and then don't get a chance for a real breakfast until you get to work, which, thankfully, has a toaster and a refrigerator and a microwave.

Sometimes little things that don't affect most people pile up and before you can get a handle on it, your squirrel brain has gotten hold of a craving and won't let go. Rationally, you know it's bullshit and you need to walk away, but there's that part of your brain that is just screaming and won't let it go.

I've tried so hard to stay away from things that I know will trigger the angry squirrel part of my brain.

I don't keep regular bread in the house. Or tortillas. Or chips, popcorn, treats, cereal I like.

There's almost always a constant, low grade *hum* of craving in my brain and most of the time, I don't even know what the hell it is that I'm craving. Because it's not any thing.

I crave processed, refined, fattened, sugared crap.

My latest thing is sushi. If you live near Raley's, you might know that some of their stores have sushi that's made in-house. It's really good. I could eat that every day for quite a few days before I got sick of it. In fact, there have been some days when I did have it in a row.

I also crave Panda Express.

Last night I finally realized what I think I've been trying to deny. I think the reason I've been craving sushi & Panda Express is because I'm craving white rice.

Seriously.

White rice?

Who the fuck craves white rice?

But white rice is probably the most "simple" grain I eat any more. So if you're a food addicted brain who knows it's not getting any zingers, where do you turn? White rice?

Mostly I've had this under control. Mostly. I understand the problem. I've started tracking calories. I realized how hard I bust my ass at the gym and I've started to get a grip on how I spend my calories.

But I still have a food addicted brain.

And I can totally get everything as under control as I can get it, and then things happen that I choose to relinquish control over.

Because normal people can eat things like stuffing and dinner rolls and mashed potatoes and pie at Thanksgiving dinner and it's ok.

Normal people understand how portion control works and calories and either mind them or don't, but then they walk away from the dinner table, clear out the leftovers and go about their lives.

Me?

I understand about portion control and calories, but my brain gets ahold of those chemicals and it's all over.

It's not just walking away from the table.

It's not just making the conscious decision to get my eating back under control.

It's having to wrestle my angry squirrel brain off the addiction hamster wheel so I can start thinking about something other than "how can I get something made with flour?"

And the only way you can really do that is to get your eating back under control and then ride it out until your brain settles back down and all you've got left is that hum.

But that can take awhile. It takes constant vigilance. Any slip and you start over. Meanwhile, you're walking a tightrope, trying to juggle what you should be eating and what you might want to eat.

Which is how you end up standing in the aisle of a grocery store doing everything in your power to not break down in tears because you can't figure out what the fuck to get to have for breakfast when you've exhausted all the "normal" possibilities and you know damn well that, if you don't have a plan, you'll be in a drive through and starting all over again.

Fortunately I had the sense to walk away and go on with the rest of my shopping before following a bread crumb trail to this idea:


220 Calorie Breakfast Sandwich
One meal at a time, I build back towards rational. The eating part, I can handle. Mostly. I know how to make the right choices. But my brain works so hard against me. It's not about will power. It's not even about planning. It's a constant vigilance in a war against myself.

And it sucks. And I'm tired. And all I can do is just keep moving.

All Over the Map. Kind of.

This is the stew I made yesterday in the crockpot. I'm having it with a sandwich for lunch today. Mmm, leftovers!

I made it because I planned on going to the 7pm Mixed Levels Yoga class at my gym, so dinner had to be something that didn't require a lot of time in the evening. We had mounds of stuff left over from the funeral reception*, including about a ton of sliced onions, baby carrots and celery. Sound like a plan?

I tossed a bunch of the onions in, sliced, just as they came. I chopped the carrots and celery into smaller pieces and chopped up a few potatoes. I added a can of diced tomatoes and some "vegetarian chicken broth" powder that I picked up at a local natural foods store. Covered with vegetable broth and a drizzle of EVOO and left it on low all day.

Of course it turned out very good. I probably could have used less onion. Or chopped them more. But I like onion, so it was fine by me.

Tonight I'm making veggie burgers, and I think Thursday the crockpot will get another workout with something splitpea-like.

I don't know why I'm talking so much about food. Obsessed? Maybe.

I had such a great day yesterday and I am so proud of myself! I walked just over 5K on lunch and went to yoga in the evening. Plus I primarily ate produce all day. In fact, I can tell you the non-produce I had: coffee, oatmeal, mozzarella, balsamic vinaigrette, half a luna bar and one slice of sourdough bread. OK, fine, and Powerade Zero.

See? What an awesome day. Especially compared to how it's been going lately.

I don't even know why I'm talking about all of this except to keep y'all informed. I haven't mentioned it yet here (because there hasn't been much to mention), but I started a separate blog for my workouts and food rantings. Because I'm trying to make a point to blog about that stuff every day that I have a workout to record and I'm sure y'all don't need to be constantly reading about that stuff here. I'm also hoping to actually blog about different types of workout and fitness related things. Because, really, are there enough fitness blogs? Written by fat girls? Right.

Oh, shut it.

So I totally, well, can't do any of those three things right now, but that doesn't stop me from having been totally enamored of this race since I was wee. It's two years older than I am! Sounds like a goal to me. What about you?

Right now I'm really not interested in blogging about funeral stuff, and I feel well and truly derailed from the things I planned to blog about before grandmother passed. I'm hoping to get back on track soon. But I'm totally not above taking subject suggestions.

*We had the funeral reception catered. Because we're not stupid. OK and because we have connections. If you're local and need totally awesome catering, let me know and I'll hook you up.

An Open Letter to Myself

Dear Me,

Things have been so hard lately. So busy, so tiring. So much running around and eating out. And way too much oversleeping and not going to the gym.

It's so easy to let that slide when there's so much else to be concerned with. Especially when you're already feeling frustrated and stagnant and unsure.

What does it matter when it feels so much like you're getting nowhere? When every workout, every day is a battle of wills in your own head and you are your own cheerleader and your biggest critic. Egging yourself on while drafting a thousand different arguments to quit.

We do this because this life we live is hard. It requires strength. Not just of will and determination, but physically, as well. Strength is required not only for the life we live, but especially for the life we want to live. That one that hides in our brain and hopes. We need strength for that. So much more than we have now.

Working out is one of the only things we do that's just for us. It hurts. It's hard. It's boring. It's confusing. But this is our time. It's for us. To become stronger, faster, more able. All the things we want.

It's time to make this the priority. Carve out the time, make a plan. Stick to it.

Move forward. Not back.

You can do it.

Love,
Me

PS: This thing with the bloated feet is way old. Water, love. Water.

A Dog Day Out

MonkeyDo and I are sitting in a cafe, hogging up bandwidth.

I should be listing more prints, but, instead, I've been working on some other things that I'll share with you.

Yesterday, after I was done listing for the day, she and I set off on what would be an all-day adventure.

The goal: getting Gomi vaccinated and licensed.

The plan: Sacramento SPCA has both low cost vaccinations and the ability to purchase a license (according to their website).

So we drove out to the SPCA and signed in. The office where they have vaccinations is also where they handle lost or found pets as well as owner surrenders. Dumbest place, ever, for me to be?

Oh, yeah.

We ended up waiting about 40 minutes to be seen. Gomi was pretty well behaved, all things considered. Although she did start up with the Woe Is Me song a couple of times.

While we were waiting, we watched a pair of upstanding young gentleman (*ahem*) surrender a gorgeous pit bull who had obviously been bred. And, you know, I know it happens. I know it happens all the time. But it still makes me so angry. I wonder how much money they made off of her before abandoning her to hell and an almost certain death.

*whew*

When it was finally our turn, we found out that we could only get a license there if we paid by cash or check. Well we didn't have cash, and who has checks, anymore, anyway? We ended up just getting her vaccinations and a round of flea drops.

And a lecture from the vet tech that took her back for her shots because Gomi was wearing her Martingale collar and she was wound up and pulling. Her collar wasn't seated correctly, so, yeah, it was against her throat and choking instead of up under her jaw where it's supposed to be. The vet tech suggested we get her a sensation harness or obedience lessons (through them, of course). I informed her we, in fact, owned a sensation harness. It works great for the pulling, because Gomi flops over on her side and then refuses to move. As for the rest of it, dude, you just kept my dog waiting 40 fucking minutes in a room full of critters she wants to play with but can't and she's a little wound up. Usually she's a very good dog, her collar is seated correctly, and none of this is a problem. You want to lecture someone, why don't you try the jackholes ditching that bitch they bred?

Back in the van.

Fortunately, Sacramento County Animal Care & Regulation isn't all that far from the SPCA and they can take my check card and issue a license for my dog. They also happen to have a huge, gorgeous, freshly opened dog park.



The orange-red pillars you see in the background are the fence line, and the park extends to the left about the same distance. Seriously, this park is huge. Although, a note to SCACR: your boutique should carry tennis balls. Seriously. For dumbasses like me who didn't plan on going to a dog park and didn't bring anything to throw. Because I'd have totally paid $3 or $4 for a tennis ball to throw for her. I would not, however, pay $11 for the two pack of balls that would have been two small for her big mouth, anyway.

Gomi is finally vaccinated and appropriately licensed and has been run ragged at a dog park. Next stops: lunch and then a bath!

My boss has a truck that she bought largely for the purpose of transporting her dog. Gomi's after bath antics have clued me in to why this is a good idea.



I even missed most of her seat-rubbing.

Finally, finally the three of us headed home. It was a good thing, too, because I was pooped!

As of last night, the only thing separating Gomi & I from being able to participate in the Doggy Dash was getting registered. Well, ok. And being able to run 5K.

As of right now, only half of that is true: Gomi & Cheree Run a 5K.

Which means I need to get my ass in gear for the other half of that, right?

Fat Girl in Motion

Saturday morning I got up bright and early and totally prepared to do the "First Day to 5K" podcast workout for the very first time.

Considering that Friday was the first time I'd even walked in a week and, further, that it kicked my ass, I probably should have known this was going to be a bad idea.

And, holy cow, was it ever a bad idea.

Basically, the First Day to 5K podcast operates on the same principal as Couch to 5K, only the podcast is set to music that alternates the beats per minute (BPM) according to whether you should be walking or running and chimes to direct you when to run and when to walk. There's no watch checking, just play and go. Which is, of course, brilliant for people like me who have a hard time just keeping track of how many reps she's done.

When that first chime went off and I started running, I have to say that I have never in my life felt more like a fat girl exercising.

Which, you know. Clearly I am a fat girl exercising.

But I have never felt so stereotypically Fat Girl.

It was very disconcerting and almost immediately discouraging. I felt awful and ungraceful and like I belonged in some horrid youtube video.

And then there was the hurting. My shins were tight & on fire in short order and then there was the lung congestion and the wheezing.

In short, I felt a lot like a fat, pathetic dumbass and only made it through half of the "running" sections of the podcast. And I'd have just flat out given up and not gone any further except that, you know, I had to get back home.

So now I'm in this place where I feel like I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing or what I should be doing or what I need to be doing. I'm backing up and reassessing again.

But not just in relation to this running thing. I'm also in a quandary over the Get Your Body Back weight routine that I've been doing. I'm finding it boring and easy and confusing and difficult. I think mainly I just feel bored and like the hard stuff is on the wrong side of "too hard" and the rest of it is too easy. Except for the counting part. Because, apparently, I can't count for shit, especially if it's left/right.

I have a hard time keeping my brain focused on what's going on, and when it drifts off I lose track of things like what that last number was and which side did I start with and did I skip to the next number before doing the other side?

It kind of makes me feel dumb, but keeping my brain where it's supposed to be has always been a problem for me, in a variety of settings, so it's not like this is new or unexpected.

My plan is to spend some time with the Big Book and maybe craft a workout that I like. Or, hell, maybe a couple of them so I can do something every day.

And I want to try out the book's Spartacus Workout. Just to see if I can do it.

I also need to work on a stretching routine for when I walk/run, and specific exercises to help with the issues I have.

I have to remember to keep moving forward so the inertia is going in the right direction. Because it would really like a nap.

Noggin News

As you can see from Saturday's post, MonkeyDo is officially bald. Her shave day was Saturday and, even though it was Crazy Town busy at the event, we managed to get in, get registered and get her shorn in just about record time.

Can you see the glow in that grin? She was just about as happy as happy gets and I think that she really does like this 'do. Who knows, maybe she'll keep it around for awhile.

Her dad's taken to calling her Ripley.


But what about O'Neil?

In other Noggin News, I had a sebaceous cyst removed on Friday. It had been hanging around on my scalp, covered up by my hair, for a couple of years, and I finally decided it was time for it to go.

It seemed like such a great idea when I called to make the appointment, but, somehow, laying there on the exam table getting loaded up with lidocaine, I started wondering what the hell I had been thinking to get myself into this pickle. It didn't take that long for him to get it out and stitch my head back up and the doctor, who was not my normal doctor, had a great sense of humor. Overall, not a bad experience. Healing hasn't been that bad, so far, although it tends to feel like someone's been rapping on my skull with a ball-peen hammer.

On Saturday I got to wash my hair for the first time, and I took great care during the washing, drying, brushing and putting-up process, mainly so as not to accidentally brush the stitches or otherwise anger the Giant Boo-Boo. It wasn't until hours and much errand-running later that I found out that I'd been going around all day looking like an escapee from Frankenstein's laboratory.

Suave.
I know that some of you think we live in this bastion of urban splendor, what with all of our Jamba Juice and Starbucks and Targets. And I know that our area tries to paint a shiny, cosmopolitan picture and tries very hard to act like we're not just a Cow Town.

But. Really.

For those of you familiar with our area, this wasn't even Fair Oaks. This is walking distance from my house. There have been chickens behind the Dairy Queen for as long as I've lived out here, but this is the first one that was bold enough to come begging at the drive through window.

Maybe he's taking a cue from the sudden explosion of corner sign beggars?

Finally, let me introduce my new iPod:


Big Red.
I did end up going with the 5th Generation Nano, 16 gigs. When I started really comparing features and prices and storage space, I knew there was just no way I could justify spending that much more for the iPod Touch. Especially when I would still need to purchase some variety of armband/holster, and I wanted to buy the Nike+ Sports Kit.

I was initially excited that the iPod Nano had an exercise tracker built right in, but then I got the chance to test drive one and found out that it was just a pedometer built in to the iPod. I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but a pedometer is virtually useless. "Adding steps" to your day may, in fact, be good for your health, but, in general, is probably not going to do a lot for you or your waistline. And I say this totally from personal experience.

I'm not too sure how the Nike+ thing is going to work. I understand that you can upload your information onto a website, and I think you can also tweet your information. I plan on trying it out for the first time this evening when I walk down to pick MonkeyDo up from school.

One last thing:

The decal says "United States Air Force". I'd love to know more about this truck, but it sure is a beauty.

Comfort Zones, Butterflies, Electronics and Bangs

1. There's only about two days left until MonkeyDo loses her hair. Which means there's still time for you to sponsor her, if you're so inclined and have not already.

I anticipate there will be at least one post-shave meltdown because omgIdidn'trealizeit'dbeALLgone! Then again, she's been asking for this hair do since she was three and she wanted to have "hair like grandpa's". And then after we met SweetPea and the first time she shaved her head, it was like confirmation that it was a hair style a girl could have, too. At the same time, though, she is heading into that dangerous time of adolescence, where one wrong comment might lead to an unexpected meltdown. And it's not like a shaved head is exactly stylish. It's not like she'll have the shaved-head-style mommy always wanted with the wispy elfin bangs + shaved head*.

2. Last night, I went to a different yoga class at a completely different location of my gym, a whopping two giant leaps out of my comfort zone. This led to a couple of observations, which I will get to momentarily. I will probably go back to the class again next week, but I'm not entirely sure I'll keep with this particular class. It was just too far removed from the class I was used to, and I'm not entirely sure it was doing the right things for me. In the meantime, hopefully I'll check out other classes to see if there aren't ones I like better.

2a. The gym itself was two stories. My gym has a few clubs that are two stories, but this was the first one I'd been to. I didn't explore as much as I maybe should have, but the layout seemed weird to me. You have to go up stairs to get to the women's locker room (ADA, much?) and the group fitness room. You actually have to go into the group fitness room to get to the women's locker room, which meant that I got to walk through a Cycle class. Twice. I really liked the locker room layout. It was definitely different from the setup at my gym, similar to the setup at the other yoga gym, but larger, newer and with more separated areas. I was in there by myself most of the time, which felt totally bizarre, especially since evenings are typically pretty busy at the gym.

2b. The class itself was billed as "Gentle Yoga", with a length of an hour and fifteen minutes. The instructor, however, described the class as "deep stretching" and "for all levels", but especially beneficial for athletes and those with injuries. She also seemed kind of surprised that the class was an hour & fifteen minutes. I've noticed that sometimes the online class calendar, the gym itself and the instructor all have different ideas about what kind of class it is. When I first started Wednesday Yoga, the class was billed online as "Yoga Basics" for yoga newbies. The gym called it "gentle yoga" and the instructor kept it somewhere between the two, understanding that there were both newbies and people who couldn't do the more difficult moves. One Furlough Friday I showed up at a gym for "Gentle Yoga", as billed online, only to discover "Power Yoga" written on the classes board at the gym. It tends to make me a bit nervous about going to a new class, because I only kind of have an idea what I'm getting myself into.

2c. I've come to the realization that my comfort zone is the single most dangerous place for me to be. And I'll totally own that I have a highly habitual nature. A lot of the time, this isn't really a big deal. Does it hurt anyone that I always park in the exact same spot? Or that I usually drive the same route? It probably isn't even really a big deal for me to get into the habit that at "X" time on *these* days I go to the gym, as long as I don't get there and then do the exact same thing as I've done every other day I was there. Which is what I tend to do. This is a problem. The fact that I can turn a morning stop for coffee and a treat into a daily routine is a problem. Making a habit of packing breakfast & lunch for work is not so much of a problem. As long as I'm not packing a bunch of crap I shouldn't be eating.

Getting out of my comfort zone can be scary for me. Trying new things, going new places can make me nervous. Sometimes this is just a matter of some butterflies and sometimes it borders on panic-striking. Which is silly. In the cold light of reality I can see how silly that is, but there are just some days, when I'm in a certain headspace where things that should be easy are really hard. So every time I get myself out of my comfort zone, I consider that a success, a big deal, even if it was a case of butterflies and not panic.

2d. Even further out of my comfort zone, the first thing I did was let the counter person know it was my first time at that location, and I asked the locations of the locker room and group fitness room. I asked for help! I never ask for help! And then while a few of us were milling about waiting for class to start, I met someone and we had a little chat. Exciting!

3. Sometimes I wonder how embarrassed, exactly, I should be to be admitting this stuff.

4. I still haven't quite gotten to the "walking every day" portion of the C25K plan. It's been kind of a busy week, so far. I need to get on that, too, because the C25K plan is 9 weeks and time she is a'ticking.

5. One of the busy things this week was that I had to spend one evening driving out to FedEx in Rocklin to pick up my new iPod. My shipment was split into two, the accessories coming through the Sacramento hub and the iPod itself coming through Rocklin (after going through Hawaii and Alaska - is it possible to be jealous of the vacation route of your electronics?). The Sacramento hub driver left me a nasty note door tag asking for a signature and claiming it was his second try, even though there was no door tag the first try. The Rocklin driver left a door tag, as well, but it included directions for coming out to the hub to pick the package up directly. Score! I'll introduce you to my new toy soon. We're still getting acquainted.

6. I still need new songs to put on it! Help!

*YES I did. And kind of still do. But every time I mention it, people give me these panicky looks like maybe I'm actually crazy. What's up with that?

Obsessed

Oh, look! Breakfast!

There's spinach, carrots, lima beans and asparagus, two eggs and three or four chunks of garlic cheese curds*. It's yummy, has lots of good things in it, is quick & easy and will keep you full. I know this is awful to admit, but all of the veggies are frozen. If you wanted to, you could cook them all at one time and then dish them out each day. I cook up what I want to use each morning. It all goes into a microwave safe plastic travel container and then into my insulated lunch sack with an ice pack. Once I get to work, I toss it into the microwave for 90 seconds, stir and repeat until cooked through. Easy, peasy.

I'm a big fan of breakfast and my absolute favorite is eggs with runny yolks, hash browns and sourdough toast. Sometimes with pancakes, too. When I was a kid, my dad would make potatoes O'Brien and eggs and bacon, and then he'd make a big mountain on his plate and top it with runny yolked eggs. I may not eat bacon, but the first thing I do is put my eggs on top of my potatoes, add salt & pepper and then cut everything up. The sourdough toast is used for mopping up whatever yolky goodness is left.

Obviously this isn't really something I should be eating every day. Breakfast is probably the meal I have the most really good options for that I still ignore completely because I have to really want to eat that. This little breakfast veggie scramble is the current Good Breakfast Incarnation. I like that I can shake it up by changing the veggies, or maybe adding salsa or avocado or changing the cheese.

A really good way to shake up the cheese flavor is by using Laughing Cow Wedges. They're soft cheeses and come in a variety of flavors.

Did you notice the part where this blog became about dieting? Me, either.

Something I picked up for snacking at work:

Wasa Rye Crisps and almond butter.
I learned about Rye crisps a few years back. I used to follow a blogger who was anorexic and bullemic. She was a total hoot and completely up front about her problems with eating disorders. Her blog was hysterical and endearing and heart wrenching. Taking eating advice from someone who is anorexic and bullemic is probably not the best idea, and I'm not even entirely sure how this subject came up, but I tried these crackers based on her recommendation. I think I used to use them with hummus or peanut butter or even Nutella. They're almost like rice cakes only with character and some actual nutrition in there.

This is how I Wasa: organic, fresh ground almond butter & sliced banana. Yum!

I've been trying to behave myself food-wise this week. I've been packing in breakfast & lunch instead of buying it, and I really, truly do plan on cooking dinner tonight. I swear. *ahem* I'm always amazed at the things that stir up into cravings. It's not always the same things, either, but it's frequently the same types of things. Like simple carbohydrates.

In that book I still haven't finished reading, Michael Pollan talks about the chemistry and the biology behind simple carbohydrates and how readily the body processes them into sugars that then feed directly into the brain. Which, of course, your brain enjoys immensely and, probably, goes through a sort of withdrawal when it stops being present.

Especially, I imagine, if you're like me and so much of your diet has contained simple carbs and processed foods.

It's a hard cycle to break, especially when your brain is trying really very hard to keep that good high coming.

Did I mention the part about how the Monkeys' dad got his hands on one of those fancy medical scales which also shows your fat percentage and even your hydration percentage? And yes I did get on that thing and no I will not be sharing any digits with you thankyouverymuch. I mean, it's not like it's a secret that I'm fat, but y'all don't really need the mental imagery that will come from me having to spell it out for you. Really.

I'm not even going to a little bit pretend like anything it had to say was a surprise. I was happy (I think) to note that the gym scale is apparently accurate and the fat percentage was, largely, what I expected it to be. Of course, seeing it in cold, hard, digitype wasn't exactly a good time. But whatever.

So I've been trying to make the effort this week to keep my diet in line and to boost my water intake. And it's frustrating. Food is like a constant dialogue in my head and I can't figure out how to shut it off. And I know that shutting that dialogue up is the key. I know, and I think have successfully proven, that I just do not have the willpower to be a constant source of "no", so I have to figure out how to shut it up.

And I'm really sorry that you're probably going to be hearing a lot about this in the coming weeks. Or months.

*I absolutely love Spring Hill Cheese Company and they're located in Two Rock Valley, near Petaluma. Spring Hill Cheese produces "Estate Cheese", which means that everything is produced there on the dairy: the cows graze the land, are milked, then the milk is turned into cheese and butter all right there at the dairy. I think that is so awesome, and we'll chat more about why when I finally get into discussing In Defense of Food. Also, Two Rock Valley is one of my favorite places, even though we usually only drive through. I really would love to settle down to farm there, but I worry that it will get flooded when the oceans rise. Because, yes, I do worry about those things.

Endorphins Make You Crazy

The shoe saga continues and I've visited several shoe stores and turned up bupkiss. I actually have a list of potential shoes that I found using Shoe Dog over on Road Runner Sports. I've been trying to find the shoes in person to try out before making a purchase because I don't even want to think about having to ship them back if I still have problems. I know there are no guarantees, regardless, but I am really over this being an issue and would love to just move on to the part where I can concentrate on working out and not on my damn shoes.

Thursday night, after another fruitless trip to yet another sports store (ok, fine, two), I went to a copy shop and proceeded to copy and arrange the phase two workout of the "Get Your Body Back" workout from The Big Book. I also copied the "Spartacus" workout and a "Create Your Own Warmup".

All the little flags. OK, there are more on the bottom.
I did the first day of Phase Two this morning, and it was all the right kinds of hurty. When I was done and all showered up, I lost my goddamned mind went to WalMart and proceeded to purchase everything I would need to have a second fully stocked gym bag. So now I should always have a stocked and ready to go gym bag, even if I've already been to the gym that day. Which, you know, makes perfect sense if you are stark raving batshit.

It came up because I was checking the website for my gym and finding more and more classes that I'd like to take. And if I'm going to the gym in the morning and then taking the first level half hour spin class at the gym by work during lunch how do I work that out when all of my clothes will be nasty and gross and my towel already showered on? It will also make things easier for yoga in the evening and however I end up deciding to work the running thing.

Speaking of the running thing, there's a training group getting started soon and I am so torn about whether I should go for it and join up or just go it solo. Firstly, there's a charge to join up the group. Of course, you get goodies and training help and that sort of thing. But, then, the more I look at it, the more I wonder if the kind of help they have will really benefit me. Like the shoe clinic. Well, these are the same guys that couldn't put me in a sneaker that actually works for me, so do I really need them to lecture me about shoes? Probably not. They also probably don't have anything for me in the way of nutrition counseling because I've been reading In Defense of Food and so my eyes have been opened to the problems with paying too much attention to micro and macro nutrients. So I don't need to know how much protein and carbs and whatever I should be eating. Because that's not what I'm going to pay attention to. The group workouts offer sports drinks and gels and other fuels, but I have a hard time believing that I would even need a power gel to run a 5K. I mean, what is that? Thirty minutes? I'm pretty sure I can eat a good breakfast, drink plenty of water, and run a 5K without bonking.

Just a hunch.

So I've been leaning pretty heavily towards going it alone. I printed out the Couch to 5K training plan. I have a stopwatch and a dog. My sneakers will work, even if they aren't as awesome as I think they should be. WineDog suggested I walk thirty minutes (outside) every day for a week or two before starting out. Which seems reasonable enough, but I'm starting with one week. The C25K plan takes 9 weeks. The Women's Fitness Festival is June 6th.

Yes.

I'm going to run that 5K.

I've got some more news for you, soon. For now, I need new songs for the gym & for running. What are your favorites?

Being Fat in a Fit World

As you might have surmised from my post, yesterday was not exactly a banner day for me.

I had finally managed to drag ass out of bed early enough to get to the gym without incident. I strapped on my brand spanky new sneakers and headed out to the treadmill to give them a good test run.

And that's when it stopped being fun.

Issue the first: heel slippage. Now, I want to clarify that what I'm talking about is that the shoe flops around on the back of my heel. It's annoying, but it's not specifically injury inducing (although I don't know if that will change when I start running). But it's annoying. Really annoying. And, depending on how bad it is, can cause my socks to suck down into my shoe and bunch up, which would be, at the very least, blister inducing. The slip in these shoes doesn't seem to be that bad.

Issue the second: by nine minutes, my right foot was cramping.

Issue the third: by twenty minutes, the toes on my right foot were going numb.

In other words: $125 and a "fit specialist" later and I still didn't have shoes that I could even walk thirty minutes in comfortably.

Furthermore, considering that he had basically exhausted his stock and then had to tweak the closest-fitting shoe he could find, I am reasonably sure that there is nothing else this particular store can do for me in the way of finding me a good shoe.

Y'all.

Heart.

Broken.

So frustrated I could hardly see straight and so angry and heartbroken I spent most of the day fighting tears.

What Shoe Guy had said was that he thinks my foot isn't sitting deeply enough into the heel cup, and that's why they slip.

Translation: my foot is too fat to fit correctly in athletic shoes.

So here we are $125 and a fit specialist later and what I know is that I'm fat and this is A Problem.

Y'all. The fitness industry is geared towards people who are already fit.

Even though doctors and nurses and health organizations and the news and the multi-billion dollar diet industry all tell us we should lose weight and that we should exercise and that we should get our fat, lazy asses off the couch, it is still a major pain in the ass to find fitness gear, exercise classes, workout equipment geared towards people who are fat.

Yes, I know I can pay (even) more and go to specialty shops and maybe, hopefully find products that fit and work for me, but I'm already working so hard to wedge what I can into an already strained budget that the thought of having to pay $50 for a pair of pants is beyond anything even approaching reasonability.

I know that the fitness industry is geared towards people who are already fit because they are, by and large, the consumers of fitness products. I get that. But it is so frustrating and disheartening to hit yet another "too fat to play" wall.

Again and again and again.

Yesterday I was so angry and broken hearted that I was seriously considering cancelling my gym membership and just calling it quits. I felt like the smelly kid that nobody wants to play with on the playground. What was the point of trying, anymore, when it's just a series of road blocks?

This morning I went back to the gym and I got back on the treadmill and my right foot didn't seem like it was hurting as bad as it had the day before. I went for forty minutes and then took a shower and gradually came to the realization that I no longer felt quite so discouraged and disheartened.

In fact, I felt very much like I was going to pursue what I wanted to, and everyone else was just going to have to make room.

Because there's a Fat Girl coming through!