Fat Girl in Motion

Saturday morning I got up bright and early and totally prepared to do the "First Day to 5K" podcast workout for the very first time.

Considering that Friday was the first time I'd even walked in a week and, further, that it kicked my ass, I probably should have known this was going to be a bad idea.

And, holy cow, was it ever a bad idea.

Basically, the First Day to 5K podcast operates on the same principal as Couch to 5K, only the podcast is set to music that alternates the beats per minute (BPM) according to whether you should be walking or running and chimes to direct you when to run and when to walk. There's no watch checking, just play and go. Which is, of course, brilliant for people like me who have a hard time just keeping track of how many reps she's done.

When that first chime went off and I started running, I have to say that I have never in my life felt more like a fat girl exercising.

Which, you know. Clearly I am a fat girl exercising.

But I have never felt so stereotypically Fat Girl.

It was very disconcerting and almost immediately discouraging. I felt awful and ungraceful and like I belonged in some horrid youtube video.

And then there was the hurting. My shins were tight & on fire in short order and then there was the lung congestion and the wheezing.

In short, I felt a lot like a fat, pathetic dumbass and only made it through half of the "running" sections of the podcast. And I'd have just flat out given up and not gone any further except that, you know, I had to get back home.

So now I'm in this place where I feel like I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing or what I should be doing or what I need to be doing. I'm backing up and reassessing again.

But not just in relation to this running thing. I'm also in a quandary over the Get Your Body Back weight routine that I've been doing. I'm finding it boring and easy and confusing and difficult. I think mainly I just feel bored and like the hard stuff is on the wrong side of "too hard" and the rest of it is too easy. Except for the counting part. Because, apparently, I can't count for shit, especially if it's left/right.

I have a hard time keeping my brain focused on what's going on, and when it drifts off I lose track of things like what that last number was and which side did I start with and did I skip to the next number before doing the other side?

It kind of makes me feel dumb, but keeping my brain where it's supposed to be has always been a problem for me, in a variety of settings, so it's not like this is new or unexpected.

My plan is to spend some time with the Big Book and maybe craft a workout that I like. Or, hell, maybe a couple of them so I can do something every day.

And I want to try out the book's Spartacus Workout. Just to see if I can do it.

I also need to work on a stretching routine for when I walk/run, and specific exercises to help with the issues I have.

I have to remember to keep moving forward so the inertia is going in the right direction. Because it would really like a nap.