Shit I Found On the Internets - Queer Version

I'm not even getting started on North Carolina or the declaration by Obama, because, really, what else needs to be written about these things? Also I'm not entirely sure I don't feel pandered to by Obama, so I'm not really ready to commit to an opinion on his statement.

I don't know, maybe if he quit defending DOMA in court, I'd feel a little better about his sudden change of heart.

We've been here before and we'll probably be here again. If you still don't know why equal marriage rights are so fucking important, here's yet another story from someone impacted by not having the same rights as heterosexual couples. It's worth your ten minutes. Honest.

I found this List of Cisgender Privileges floating around my facebook feed. "If you’re not familiar with the term, “cisgender” means having a biological sex that matches your gender identity and expression, resulting in other people accurately perceiving your gender. If you are cisgender, listed below are benefits that result from your alignment of identity and perceived identity. If you identify as cisgender, there’s a good chance you’ve never thought about these things." It's a great read and something the majority of us don't have to think about.

Finally today, an excellent article about Christianity's same sex marriage rites. To listen to the Right Wingers of today, you'd never guess that same sex marriage was once an integral part of Christianity.

"A Kiev art museum contains a curious icon from St. Catherine's Monastery on Mt. Sinai in Israel. It shows two robed Christian saints. Between them is a traditional Roman ‘pronubus’ (a best man), overseeing a wedding. The pronubus is Christ. The married couple are both men."

Wait. So not only did the Christian Church have multiple forms of same sex marriage rites, but Jesus Fucking Christ actually stood as best man in the marriage of the men who would become Saint Sergius and Saint Bacchus? Explain to me again how your Christianity bars you from supporting same sex marriage. Because I must be missing something.

I'm sure there's lots of stuff floating around this week that I missed. Feel free to leave some link love in the comments.

Happy Anniversary SweetPea!

Three years ago today, I got my hands on the best collector's item ever.

That's right. I got gay married.

Of course, SweetPea and I had a small, less legal ceremony some years prior, but on June 17th, 2008 we finally, fortunately, were able to get kinda sorta just like everyone else some restrictions apply, not valid in some states pretty much anywhere but California legally married!

Try as they might, while the homophobes (i.e. "Mormons") were able to shut down gay marriage in California, they were unable to take away our status as Limited Edition Gay Married.

I'm not even going to try to pretend that the last three years has been peaches and sunshine, but I will say that I cannot imagine being hitched to a more loving, supportive, encouraging person. She is committed to improving herself, ourselves, our family, relationship and home. I am so fortunate to have her on my team and I can't imagine life without her.







Who are these wee Monkeys?

Can you even believe how much the Monkeys have grown in three years?

It's Time to Party

After yesterday's court victory, there was a street party downtown to celebrate. Because we went to so many protests and rallies after Proposition 8 passed, we felt it was important to get in on the celebration.

We packed up the Monkeys and headed downtown.

The crowd was smaller than you'd expect. Less than one quarter of a typical rally or protest crowd. But that's ok. We were together and we were noisy and we were joyful.

Because my brain works in mysterious ways, I remembered this guy right away:

He was at the Take it to Sacramento rally way back in November 2008, with his ears still taped up:

Of course I have the hardest time with the names & faces of people. Dogs? Dogs are a different story.

I'll have a more detailed write up of yesterday's decision and what it means later today.

DOMA Verdict - Unconstitutional

Today a federal judge in Boston declared Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) uncostitutional.

Section 3 of the law states, in part: "..the word `marriage' means only a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife, and the word `spouse' refers only to a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife."

Surely this will not end the issue. I assume that this verdict will be appealed to the Supreme Court. But between this verdict and the pending verdict in the Proposition 8 cases, I think it will not be that much longer before same sex couples have equal rights under the law.

I can't wait.

By Any Other Name

You've probably noticed that we went to a wedding over the weekend.

Weddings, as you might imagine, are somewhat bittersweet for me.

A blessed event so common and so easy for heterosexual couples, which is still largely illegal or unrecognized for same sex couples.

While I won't say that I think opposite-sex couples always enter into marriage without truly thinking about the ramifications, they at least have the ability to walk into any county registrar's office, city hall or drive-through chapel and get married. There's no concerns about whether or not they will be allowed to purchase a marriage license, whether their marriage will be recognized if they travel to another state, how they'll file their taxes at the end of the year.

How they'll answer that question on the 2010 Census Form.

Opponents of same-sex marriage tend to trot out the offering of "domestic partnerships" or "civil unions" as though they are the same thing as "marriage".

But I notice there's no "Registered Domestic Partner" or "Civil Unioned" choice on the Census form.

I can't file my federal taxes as "Registered Domestic Partners Filing Jointly".

If I introduce SweetPea as my "partner", I get that condescending half-smile that comes with the "lesser" designation. And it is a lesser designation, according to the standards set by the society we live in.

It doesn't matter the level of personal commitment that is involved, the truth of the matter is that "partner" is on a completely different, and lower, level of societal respect and understanding than "husband" or "wife".

While we were having dinner after the wedding Saturday, the conversation strayed into gay marriage. A gentleman at the table started in with the argument that "it's just a piece of paper" and that "it's the committment that matters". Even as he was making the argument, he kind of trailed off. I think he realized that it was disingenuous to argue that marriage is "just a piece of paper" while sitting at a dinner table celebrating the marriage of people you love.

Because, um. Clearly not.

A Day for Marriage

This evening, in Las Vegas, Nevada, one of my best friends is eloping with the woman he loves.

They kept their secret for months and, while choosing the date and location, have, apparently, left the remainder of the planning largely to whim.

They could get married by Elvis or in a drive-thru chapel or at city hall or in a hot air balloon.

The point, though, is that they can, legally, get married.

Today in San Francisco a trial started that may eventually lead to a decision by the Supreme Court of the United States regarding the constitutionality of same-sex marriage.

The world, once again, has all eyes on California as we proceed with the first federal trial on the issue of same-sex marriage.

The irony is so not lost on me.

But I'm taking heart in the timing and choosing to take it as a good omen - a very good day for marriage, indeed, and, hopefully, for marriage for all.

Congratulations, honey. I hope your Elvis impersonator is awesome!

PS: Still to come: commentary on the State of State Working, as well as commentary on The Big Trial. Have questions or items you'd like me to address, specifically? Comment or email me and I'll do my best to get them answered.

It's About Marriage

What I find most amusing is that the post Tinacious wrote today started as a blog comment that got too long and then I went to comment to that post, and, well... There's a reason this is The Verbosery.

Enjoy!

SweetPea and I are registered domestic partners and have been for almost four years. WTF does that mean? Fuck if I know. I know that it means my employer can CHOOSE to allow me to put her on my health plan. Which, then, because she's not (federally recognized as) my wife, means that the money my employer pays to insure her counts as INCOME that I've received. If she were federally recognized as my wife, I wouldn't have to pay taxes on that. But because she's not, I do.

It means that we have a (very small) portion of the rights afforded to people who are legally married. It means I've got a copy of the registration with me at all times because NONE of the rights we're afforded by the registration count unless I can PROVE IT.

We were married in a spiritual, non-legal ceremony in 2002. We were married in the eyes of California law on June 17, 2008.

You tell someone you were "registered domestic partnered" or "civil unioned" and they look at you like you're batshit. But you can tell any ignoramus "I got married" and they KNOW what you're talking about.

There is a respect with that. An understanding. They KNOW what you're talking about, and they KNOW what that means. They GET what kind of commitment you're talking about, that you're talking about "this is it, forever, blending lives, building families".

I think the problem that people have with letting us have the term "marriage" is exactly that. It means granting us the respect and understanding of the solemnity of the commitment we, as a couple, are making to each other. They can't stand the thought that two women or two men might possibly be capable of the same kind of love, commitment and respect that they are.

(OMFG, talk about an out of control comment!)

Do I think we need to fight for the term "marriage"?

Damn right, I do.

We deserve it! "Marriage" is not (solely) a religious institution, and so long as America has no state-dictated religion, then I damn sure better have all the rights as any straight, white Catholic (although I'll leave to baby-banging to the Catholics).

SweetPea and I were discussing this before the Court decision came down last year in California. Neither of us is the "gold band and diamonds" type, but I'd been thinking and I'd decided that, when we finally got the right to marry, I wanted the gold band, I wanted her last name, I wanted the legal term "marriage/married/wife".

I want it all.

So. Yeah.

And I understand how some people can say maybe we should just strike the term altogether, but marriage has been around for, literally, thousands of years, and there's no reason we shouldn't have it, too.

*hands back soap box*

November Heartbreak

I don't even know what to say about Tuesday's night's loss in Maine. It is maddening and disheartening and frustrating and heartbreaking and enraging. It is a vicious flashback to last year.

We should not have to fight for our rights like this. Piecemeal from state to state. Begging for the crumbs of equality. Did we not just sign a federal law granting us all protection from hate crimes based on, among other things, our sexual orientation?

Yet the states and federal government seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to continue to legislate hate on a large scale.

I don't know. I think this is why I try not to get too involved with politics. The ignorance, hypocrisy and idiocy make me crazy.

Instead of attempting to articulate my rage, frustration and heartbreak, I'm just going to direct you elsewhere.

Dawn: I have a lot of love for Dawn, and it breaks my fucking heart that, after all the work she & Laura put into fighting this, the damn thing passed, anyway.

Maura Hennessy who has said what I've felt for quite some time now.

Wine Dog: There's this woman that I work with who has this way of talking to certain people. You know, the ones who call in trying to get away with something? And she gets this tone and she talks to them just like a mom scolding a kid for being a dumbass and totally gets away with it, because she's actually super nice, way helpful and really knows her stuff. Which is kind of what Wine Dog reminds me of when she gets going on a good rant. It's the kind of scolding that would make anyone with an iota of intelligence or self-respect ashamed of themselves. And that's my kind of rant.

PS: And I'm also heartbroken by the news out of Fort Hood. My heart goes out to all of the families affected by the tragedy. All of the families.

Happy Anniversary

"You've Already Lost"

Go, Iowa, go!

Huge kudos to the Vermont legislature!

Getting warmer, DC!

Oh, Mr. President....


Is it me, or is it starting to feel like someone nudged the stone, and now it's rolling down the hill, faster and faster, and, pretty soon?

*BOOM*

Any consenting adult can marry any other consenting adult without fear of discrimination based on race, gender or shoe size.

How good it is.

PS: Don't forget to go read this.

9th Circuit Tells DOMA Where To Stick It

Dear DOMA,

I had a friend who once told me a story involving a shoulder-length latex glove and a can of Crisco.

I'll spare you the details, DOMA, because I know you're kind of a prude.

I'd just like you to know that if you're unsure what that uncomfortable feeling is...

I think it's because someone forgot the can of Crisco.

Love,
Going to the Chapel


The rest of you can check the story here.

From the snippet:

"The denial of federal benefits to same-sex spouses cannot be justified simply by a distaste for or disapproval of same-sex marriage or a desire to deprive same-sex spouses benefits available to other spouses in order to discourage exercising a legal right afforded them by the state," Reinhardt wrote in his Feb. 2 order....

Both orders are internal employee grievance decisions. Both found in favor of the gay employees, directing court administrators to give health insurance benefits to their spouses. The orders also represent direct challenges to DOMA, the 1996 act that forbids the federal government from treating same-sex relationships as marriages for any purpose.

A lawyer for the staff attorney said this is believed to be the first time federal employees will get benefits covering a same-sex spouse.

[skip]

Reinhardt and Kozinski wrote the orders in their roles as hearing officers for some circuit employee disputes."

Apparently, the full story will run tomorrow in the Los Angeles Daily Journal. And, probably, the rest of the press.

Lost: My Right To Marry

I went to bed early last night and when I woke up, I discovered I'd lost my right to marry. It's pretty easy to recognize--four California Supreme Court justices spotted it several months back, although it took them a long damn time to finally find it. It's in like-new condition--I personally haven't had a chance to use it yet, and was really looking forward to the opportunity. A couple of my friends and family still have theirs, and even enjoy it so much they've used it several times. If you can find it for me, I'd really appreciate getting it back. I'm not sure, but I think the shady gang of thugs who stole it were heading for Utah or maybe Fresno, so please keep an eye out. Thanks.

(Pilfered from here.)

Day Without a Gay

Day Without a Gay

From Join the Impact:

A DAY WITHOUT GAYS will focus on the fact that the LGBT community contributes $700 billion dollars annually to the U.S. economy (interestingly, the same amount as the recent federal bailout package) and as such, should not be treated as second class citizens.

“Even though these are troubled economic times, we have to ask ourselves how much our rights are worth and whether or not you can put a price tag on equality,” (David) Craig added. “California alone will lose more than 683 million dollars in revenue over the next three years that it would have made on gay couples getting married.”

...

“In dozens of states, you can still get fired for being gay or lesbian,” added Craig. “That’s unacceptable. And we want gays and lesbians to take this day – International Human Rights Day – to illustrate the point that until all are equal, none are equal.”

From Lezzymom:

Our community contributes $700 billion a year to this economy (the same amount as the bailout), yet we are not given equal protections under the law that every citizen deserves. As such, it is time we make a stand. During the largest shopping season of the year, we ask that you do one very important thing: Don't Buy Anything! What would happen to this world if the LGBTQ community didn't exist? Why is it that we continue to contribute to an economy and government that does not contribute to us? Let's answer these questions on December 10th.

From 365gay.com:

Simply put: The LGBTQ Community contributes $700 Billion per year to the U.S. economy. When you put that into perspective, that’s the same amount as the economic bailout package.

Our community could be, in a sense, the economic bailout… so we’re good enough to put billions a year into the system, but not good enough to be afforded the same rights as everyone else who contributes to that system?

SweetPea, the Monkeys and I are all "staying home". We'll be going down to the local Lambda Center and volunteering, and then going to the Town Hall Meeting this evening.

The Civil Rights Movement Isn't Over

Today is the 30th anniversary of the assassination of Harvey Milk.

If you aren't familiar with Harvey Milk, please take a moment to visit that link and read about him.

I have to admit that it makes me so mad when I hear people talking as though gays should not refer to our movement as a civil rights movement. As though, somehow, the oppression that gays have endured for thousands of years is less valid than the oppression endured by other groups.

Gays have died, too.

Gays have been assaulted, raped, assassinated, burned at the stake, arrested, convicted, jailed, lost jobs, lost families, been locked up as crazy, been murdered.

I watched that video of what happened “after” on the Dr. Phil Show. The video where the African American woman stands up and says you've never seen someone who was ex-black.

Well, darling. You've never seen someone who was ex-gay before, either.

It's not something that's chosen. The choice that gets made is whether we are going to live our lives the way God made us, or whether we are going to live our lives the way society at large deems we should. That is the only choice.

You may well have seen someone who chose to walk away from who they are to make others happy. But you have never seen someone ex-gay.

Because this is a common misconception, and because gay was, until very recently, considered a mental disease, it was not uncommon for gays to be treated for “the crazy”. Locked in mental wards, subject to treatments that were not that far removed from experiments. Drugs that weren't safe, electroshock “therapy”.

Lesbians and gays were rounded up, confined and murdered in Nazi Germany.

Lesbians and gays were burned at the stake. In fact, it was common practice under the laws for a lot longer than burning witches.

I can go on and on. I can ask why, why aren't our violations, tortures, murders as valid as yours?

But I shouldn't have to.

This isn't about which of us has the bloodiest history.

This is about Civil Rights.

I've seen it written that calling this the “new Civil Rights movement” is a fallacy, and I agree.

Until everyone has equal rights and protections Federally mandated under the law, THE Civil Rights Movement isn't over. It never was. Maybe it was having a bit of a lay-low to regroup and find its direction. But it sure as hell wasn't over.

This is not the Gay Civil Rights movement.

This is THE Civil Rights movement.

If 51% of the population can revoke the rights of a minority, what's next? Whose rights are next?

I apologize. I was mistaken.

There is one other choice in this.

You can choose love, or you can choose hate.

I choose love.

One: Message - Voice - Action Plan

The number one threat to the gay rights movement, as I see it, is the disorganization and lack of cooperation and partnership between the different groups driving the movement.

Gay rights groups sprung up left and right on November 5th, adding to the ones already in existence. Events, demonstrations, movements have been thrown out into the e-universe. Some have picked up speed and moved forward, some have dwindled and died.

The problem is that everyone seems like they want to do their thing. They want to have their organization, hold their events. There is not the spirit of working together towards the greater goal. There is not the spirit of supporting each other, promoting each other.

In my research, I've stumbled upon other sites and groups working towards these same goals, organizing rallies and demonstrations that we've been to. While there is one group that, locally, at least, seems to be doing the majority of the work involved with getting these larger demonstrations off the ground, the advertising and promotion of these events feels lacking. When there are so many websites and organizations and people willing to help, there is no excuse for lackluster promotion when you're attempting to beat an attendance record.

Especially when I find a website and a spectacular promotional flyer hidden away and not being pushed, advertised, promoted in any way.

Why not?

I've seen so many lists and databases and posts about who gave what money to support or defeat Proposition 8, and I've heard from people working on building these same things. Why are we so determined to do it ourselves that we're willing to reinvent the wheel over and over again?

Couldn't we use that energy towards something else?

Shouldn't we?

Why is our generation so dead set on doing it ourselves that we cannot step back and understand that this is not about "me" it's about "WE" and there is no one person that can make this happen for us?

When I resigned from the PTA it was for exactly this reason. There was a person on the PTA Board who was so unwilling to accept help from other people or act on the ideas of others that I just couldn't take another year of her glory-hogging martyrdom.

I feel like that's what it comes down to.

People want to make sure that it's their name on the flyer, in the newspaper, on the internets and they want to be the "wow, gosh you do so much, how do you do it all?"

United we stand, divided we fall.

How long will take us to learn that lesson?

Will we be able to learn it in time?

I've heard it said that we need a Harvey Milk - someone to inspire and impassion the gay movement. Someone we'll follow and fight next to and stand by.

I don't think that's necessarily true.

I believe that what we need, what we must have, what we will not win without is:

One message. One voice. One action plan.

We cannot win unless we stand united.

We need to move as one, speak as one, be heard as one.

Ch-ch-changes!

Yes, the Verbosery has been under construction since sometime last week when I got sick of photos being cut off at the side.

Much like home improvement when you hire the shady contractor, work has been slow going. OK, mostly because I won't even bother with it on days I have to work. I've figured out by now that it's best to just not - I don't have enough time on work days!

Things that have changed:

1. The layout. Completely different. Color scheme, too.

2. The profile section. No longer links to my blogger profile. Instead, it links strictly to my blog profile, which has also been updated.

3. Subscription options. Changed from the basic one-button to the option-laden double button. Easier for those of you who aren't standard.

4. Live Tweet Feed. Same live tweets, new live name.

5. Popular Series Posts. Remember when I had that box with all the posts about Executive Order S-09-08? How old was that? Now the box has links to a couple different series-posts. Think I missed one? Let me know!

6. Blogroll. The blog roll has been completely updated, both in format and content. Want to be on it and aren't? Let me know!

7. Labels. I pulled this. I might put it back if I had code to make a label cloud. As a list, though, it was too long and took up too much space.

On an unrelated note, I've posted pictures from yesterday's Take it to Sacramento gay rights demonstration at the Capitol. Rough estimates are that over 5,000 people were there (don't listen to the Sacramento Bee - clearly, Ed Fletcher can't count).

You can enjoy the pictures here. I was really disappointed, though. The overcast day and the long lense left me with a lot of fuzzy snaps. I definitely need a zoom lense that works better in low-light situations (*ahem* *ahem*). Also, a wide angle or fish-eye lens would be super for taking crowd shots.

I'm just saying.

Please let me know if you enjoy the changes, if you think something else needs to be fixed, if there's something you like to see. Whatever! Just let me know.

Thursday Night Gratitude

Pizza & Protest Signs
Lap Warming Kittehs

Proposition 8 & the California Supreme Court

The Supreme Court of California has agreed to hear arguments regarding Proposition 8 on the following issues:

(1) Is Proposition 8 invalid because it constitutes a revision of, rather than an amendment to, the California Constitution?

(2) Does Proposition 8 violate the separation-of-powers doctrine under the California Constitution?

(3) If Proposition 8 is not unconstitutional, what is its effect, if any, on the marriages of same-sex couples performed before the adoption of Proposition 8?

The Supreme Court denied a motion to stay the enforcement of Proposition 8 while the case is pending.

All briefs in the matter must be filed by January, 2009, and it is anticipated that arguments could be heard as early as March, 2009.

You can read the full text here.

You can read everything that's been filed with the Supreme Court regarding Proposition 8 here.

Proposition 8 Fallout - Upcoming Events and Activism Opportunities

Take it to Sacramento

Saturday, November 22nd, 2pm - 6pm - California State Capital Building

California Outreach, in partnership with Equality Action Now and PFLAG, is attempting to bring 30,000 people to Sacramento to rally for the rights of the LGBQT community.

From their website:

"In 1987, the largest rally for gay rights in Sacramento took place, counting 15,000 strong.  We need to stand together and make a statement that we will not stand idly by and let the rights of our sons, daughters, parents, and friends be taken away.  Twenty one years later — 30,000 strong.  Are YOU ready to make history?"


Transgender Day of Remembrance

This may come too late for some of you who had local events for this last weekend.

The official Day of Remembrance is November 20, 2008, but quite a few events are held the weekend before or the weekend after.

In Sacramento, a candlelight vigil will be held at A Church for All on Saturday, November 22, 2008, starting at 6:30pm.


Day Without a Gay

December 10, 2008

Whether you're LGBQT or just a supporter, tell your boss you're feeling a little "queer" and won't make it in to work, don't contribute to the economy (i.e. no shopping!), and spend your extra time volunteering in the community. It's that holiday crunch time, and there are charitable organizations all over that can use the extra help.


Project Postcard

Join the Impact is teaming up with The Civil Rights Front to spearhead Project Postcard.

Project Postcard encourages you to send a postcard to President-elect Barak Obama to say "Thank you!" and to remind him that equal rights legislation in the following areas must move forward:

Expand Hate Crimes Statutes
Fight Workplace Discrimination
Support FULL Civil Unions and Federal Rights for LGBT Couples (Includes Repealing DOMA)
Oppose a Constitutional Ban on Same-Sex Marriage
Repeal Don't Ask-Don't Tell
Expand Adoption Rights
Promote HIV/AIDS Prevention

Here's a sample template to get you started:

Dear President-elect Obama,
Repeal D.O.M.A.!  All Americans should have the right to marry.  
Thank you in advance for advocating for the civil rights of your LGBT citizens.


Blue for Equality

Blue for Equality is asking everyone to display a blue light - on your porch, in your window, wherever you can - to show your support for equality for everyone.

You can purchase a blue light bulb in Equality Action Now's online store and help support their cause, or pick one up from your local hardware store.

Java Detour - Practicing Discrimination

Look! It's our two favorite baristas from Java Detour, a.k.a "Hot Chicks in a Box". We mostly dealt with the one in front, and had been wondering why we hadn't seen her since July. We ran into them after the marchers got to the Capitol and found out that they'd both been fired, approximately four months apart.

Can you guess why?

Here's a hint: these lovely lady baristas happen to also be girlfriends.

SweetPea is super disappointed that we'll no longer be supporting Java Detour, as she always liked their Chai Tea Latte better than the one they make at Starbucks. Personally, I always thought Java Detour's coffee tasted a little burnt. I did, however, enjoy their breakfast sandwiches. Especially the way that I could watch them being made.

But we're refusing to give our money to companies that would use such hate and discrimination in their business practices.