Barnuhbus - Our New Van

2005 Pontiac Montana. Seats 7. Yes, we did get the 60 month care plan. Any other questions? Because I totally forget what else I should say about the new car.

Other than: Squee!

PS: I could tell you when Satan's soccer practice is, but then I'd have to kill you.

Random and Capricious

I was skimming through various news feeds this morning and came across a headline indicating that obesity in middle age has the affect of aging your brain more quickly, thus increasing your risk of Alzheimer's. The article it linked to was barely a paragraph, so I did a little googling and came up with this. While I should probably be concerned, I'm having a hard time taking seriously an article that cannot get "to, too, two" usage correct twice in the same sentence (and the headline, no less!).

If you follow dooce, you will know that she recently started a 21-day cleanse. Following her blog and her twitter, it sounds like it is doing good things for her, and the way she feels, and her energy levels (energy? what's that like?). Intrigued, I checked out the book she was using as her guide, Quantum Wellness. "A Practical and Spiritual Guide to Health and Wellness".

Mmmkay.

Maybe it's because I went to Christian school for junior high and was obliged to go to mass once a week (at least) for two years, but I just have a problem with someone assuming they can dictate my spirituality, even if it is just the practice of it and not the nature of it.

Add to that the program's blessing by Oprah (who may be many things, but a health guru, in my opinion, is not one of them), and, to me, this sounds more and more like the next quack diet.

I've seen a lot of information, in passing, on various cleansing diets, mostly good. I imagine it probably would be good for me, especially considering the crap I load into my body.

This program, however, I don't think would be a good fit.

In Other News:

MonkeyDo has been feverishly creating comics this weekend. She's very excited about her little comic. I haven't actually looked at it, yet, even though she gave me the first set. I'm thinking that maybe it would be fun to have a family project and create a "'zine" to mail out to friends and family.

The Damn Volvo:

I had a talk with dad last night, and he brought up some very good points about the Volvo. Not the least of which is that probably the reason we have so much trouble getting her back on the road when something goes wrong is because we're not taking her to a Volvo mechanic. He suggested that the issue may be as simple as our mechanic's inexperience with Volvo. He has also offered to pay for the diagnostic to find out what the heck is really going on with her (thanks, dad!).

When SweetPea was making the calls a couple of weeks ago to Volvo mechanics, one suggested what he thought might be the issue. He said that he saw that problem all the time in Volvos of similar mileage. Everyone else she talked to just quoted her for a diagnostic.

Personally, I've always preferred mechanics who can feel a problem out just by what you're telling them, especially if it is a fairly common problem. I know that it's not always that easy, but I guess it makes me feel more like I can take her in, tell the mechanic that "she's just not riding right" and he's not going to go "riiiight" and assume I'm overreacting.

Because I'm sure y'all have heard about my particular brand of vehicular hypochondria. And, also, about how I'm infrequently wrong.

Maybe it is time for a new mechanic, all the way around.

Up for Today:

The magic of family. We've been borrowing SweetPea's mom's car. Which means SweetPea has been doing the driving for both families. Today, we are taking SweetPea's mom out to SweetPea's grandpa's house in El Dorado Hills so that mom can pick up grandpa's van.

So mom will be borrowing grandpa's van while we're borrowing her car.

Heh.

Next Weekend:

Pride weekend in San Francisco. I have never been to the Pride Parade, but have been to Dyke March a couple of times. Huh. And, now that I'm thinking on it, every time I've stayed the night at a friend's house in Antioch. A friend I lost contact with (more than less voluntarily) a couple of years ago. Every time, we went to bed Saturday with the intention of "discussing" heading back into The City on Sunday for the parade. And every time waking up Sunday feeling like "oh, hell no" we're not doing that.

I have no idea what's going on for next weekend, but I do know a group of recently dejected dykes who could probably use some eye candy. Not to mention snubbing their collectively cute noses at a particularly underhanded woman who everyone considered a friend.

Ooh, ooh! Can I get more vague?

For bonus points: Neighbor was having a discussion with one of them and mentioned that "those two down the street" (meaning us) had pegged the ex-friend for what she was the very first time we met her.

Score!

I told y'all our bullshit detectors were way strong.

This guy

Parks like an asshole. But at least it didn't take him six tries.

Badass PT Cruiser

The rear passenger door flips up, delorean-style and a ramp comes out.

Death March for a Volvo

My horoscope for today:

You have been carrying a heavy load, but now others could jump in to help you bear the burden. Unfortunately, you may have grown tired along the way. If so, ask for help because playing the role of a martyr won't pay off. There's plenty of assistance available to you, if only you let others know what you need.

My plan for today was to get up early, go for walkies, shower, hit the farmer's market, then the school for Kite Day, then grandma's, and, finally, home to fall down and die nap.

Going for walkies fell by the wayside pretty promptly after I dragged ass out of bed. But I did start up a load of laundry and make some breakfast (toast and yogurt). I am hoping to still hit the farmer's market, though. And, of course, it's not like I can just not go to Kite Day. Even if I'd prefer to. So it'll still be a long day. I'll just regret not going on walkies later.

The Volvo is being a punk ass little bitch again. A couple of months ago, she had this issue where she wasn't shifting right. Something about the engine thinking it's in a lower gear than it's actually in, so you don't get any acceleration at all. I think our mechanic said something about the flux capacitor.

Last night it started doing it again. Fortunately for us, if it's the exact same issue, we should be able to get it fixed for free. Our mechanic actually warranties all work for one year. Of course, we have shit luck with this sort of thing, so it'll probably end up costing a couple hundred dollars, anyway.

I think it's safe to say, though, that we're both really over dealing with car issues. We've been at the mechanic's once a month ever month this year. I understand that you sometimes have to deal with that when you have older cars, but it's getting ridiculous.

The other night SweetPea was eyeballing one of these. Which would be pretty cool, but, then, where would she store all her empty water bottles?

Parked At School

Confessions of a Vehicular Hypochondriac

OK, I'll admit it. I'm totally a vehicular hypochondriac. It comes from years of driving old cars. That noise? Yes, I heard that. That shudder? Totally felt that.

And I will worry and obsess about it until someone tells me that everything is fine.

Also, I know that every time SweetPea takes either vehicle to the doctor because I said it was doing something funny, they give each other a look because she's at it again.

So last November when I declared that the Volvo was riding funny and making an awful noise, the mechanic gave her a once-over and declared that she looked perfectly normal.

Only she wasn't because the noise didn't stop, it just got worse. I eventually figured out that it was probably the rotors.

Yesterday we took the Volvo in because we have to get her smogged, and the service light's been on and she won't pass smog with the service light on.

And y'all probably just started laughing because how can you be a vehicular hypochondriac and drive around with the service light on like it's no big deal?

I'll tell you why. I don't know if this is standard for Volvo, but for our car, that damn service light comes on once a year like clockwork. To remind us poor, dim owners that it's time for our yearly check up. When it came on at the end of summer, our mechanic ran a diagnostic to make sure everything was fine and dandy, but forgot to reset the light.

Yes, I've been driving around with the service light on like it's no big deal because it's not a big deal, I swear.

So we take the Volvo in to get the light reset and get her an oil change. We drop her off and head off to run some errands while we wait.

And then we get the phone call.

Turns out, the Volvo was making this awful noise (nooooooo), so he put her up on the rack and pulled her wheels off. Turns out her rotors were grinding (you don't say) and it was so bad that not only did the rotors need to be replaced, but the brake pads, too.

It was so bad that the mechanic actually said that I was lucky I had not been in an accident.

Y'all.

I am a vehicular hypochondriac.

But I am. Never. Wrong.

Which Cracker Jacks box was that in?

Why does the school drop-off always have to be such an adventure? I find it hard to believe that all the crazy people/idiot drivers out there happen to have kids that go to the same schools as mine. So what gives?

I drop my son off at school in the morning, and, because we're both compulsive about time, I drop him off earlier than I'm "supposed to", but not so early that there aren't plenty of kids and staff milling about. Because I drop him off so early, there's hardly ever any other traffic to deal with, and there are usually only two, maybe three, other cars in the drop-off area.

My son's school is addressed on a little four-lane "main" road, but to drop kids off, you have to turn on to a residential street. It is a traffic joy, let me tell you, and backs up quite a bit. Some parents don't have the patience to sit through all the traffic to turn down the little residential street and drop their kids off in the drop off area.

So they make illegal u-turns on the four-lane road and drop their kids off along the road there.

OK, so the kids are in junior high, and it's really not a big deal that they're not getting dropped off "at the door". But, you know, some of these parents are not so much suave with the illegal u-turn making.

On Tuesday, we were late with the drop off due to last minute project completion. After I make the drop off, I turn back up the four-lane road into what is the "illegal u-turn area". I'm cruising up the road and I have to dodge someone in the left-hand lane who is waiting to "turn left", only we all know what he really is trying to do is make another illegal u-turn so he can go the other way up the road. I dodge into the right hand lane behind a minivan that promptly has to all but slam on its breaks to avoid the Suburban that has decided to make an illegal u-turn in front of oncoming traffic.

Nice.

When I gave her the dirty look stare as I passed by, she had her hands in her hair and this expression that was like "ohmygawd! that was soooo scary!" and I came very very close to pulling over so that I could walk back to her stupid little driver door and yell at her for being a twit and for putting our lives at risk by being a moron and that maybe she shouldn't drive if she had no damn common sense.

And then yesterday we are sitting at the last stop light before the school stop light. It's two four-lane roads. I'm in the left hand lane (because my next turn is a left turn, so I need this lane), and our light turns green. There is a person coming up the road into the right lane who does not need to slow down or stop because the light is now green.

Except that the person in the intersection on the right-hand side of us has, for some reason, inexplicably decided it must be her turn and started to go. Totally randomly. For no apparent rational reason. She climbs her fool ass completely into the intersection before the rapidly approaching oncoming cars make her realise something must be amiss and stop. The car in the right hand land, which she is now completely blocking, slams on his brakes and comes within inches of her door before stopping. At this point, the ditz in the Honda finally starts to back up a bit and get out of the lane.

And I know that might be totally unrelated because she was not trying to get to my son's school but ohmygod! Are you serious? People are freaking nuts.

All of this has been in the rain, no less! Which makes me believe that what Christine said was correct... She said that there is a special kind of driver's license that allows the person to only drive on their birthday or when it's raining. So, of course, when they do get to drive, they act like crazy people because they're just so excited.

The last couple of days have shown that, clearly, she must be right!

Can there be parking lot rage?

OK, I know it's totally irrational, but this just irritates me so much! Does she not know how to park? Is she really so concerned with the safety of her precious car that she thinks it's ok to take up three parking spots?

Seriously?

Because that's insane!

Now, you can tell from the picture that there are plenty of space in our parking lot, so, from that standpoint, this is really not a big deal. But what does she do when she goes grocery shopping? Or to the mall?

And! This is about the eighth car she's had! All brand new and pretty and shiny. She also doesn't seem to come to work that often, because I don't see this every day. Unless she's got a junker she brings for work or she carpools. Personally, I want to know how a government employee can afford all these nice, shiny new cars. I've seen our paychecks, after all.

Also, is it bad that every time I see this, it makes me want to "accidentally" clip it on my way out or "accidentally" key it on my way to my truck?