Thirty Days of Truth - Day 29

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I'm not sure this is exactly a secret, but I hope & have been trying to get out of "lazy" mode and get my ass in gear. Not just physically (although primarily, right now). In all areas of my life, I'm trying to stay more on top of things and keep busy and designate "lazy" to specific times, once everything is on track.

It's really hard.

I also have a tendency to fill my time up with other things to "keep busy" without actually staying on top of everything I should be.

Oops?

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 28

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Definitely write a book and go on the Talk Show Circuit. I am almost certain that Lesbian Immaculate Conception greatly trumps Pregnant Man.

And you're welcome for the visual.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 27

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Geez, what isn't the best thing going for me right now? Do you have any idea how much love & support is in my life right now? From people I see every day and people I know online or over the phone. Love, support, kindness, laughter, encouragement, pushing.

How much more does a girl need than someone to tell you "I love you, now get off your ass." Or how proud they are. Or to crack exactly the right joke to make your eyelids curl up.

No. A girl doesn't need much more than that.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 26

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Very, very few people know about this. Even some people who have been very close to me have never known how bad it got.

When I was pregnant with MonkeyDo, I became so depressed that, yes, I thought about ending my life.

It went beyond ideation. I had a plan. I had a plan that would reasonably look like an accident, so that MonkeySee would not have to grow up with a suicide for a mother.

I longed for it. I longed for release from the torment in my mind.

I knew enough not to tell anyone how bad it was because I knew where I'd end up. I don't know why that seemed so much more scary than the alternative.
In the end, obviously, I couldn't do it. I knew I'd have to face my grandmother on other side and I just couldn't bear the thought of what she'd think of me. Is that totally bizarre, or what?

Towards the end of my pregnancy, the depression eased up. When my sweet, pink, bow lipped angel was born, I felt right as rain again.

We hear so much about post-partum depression, but what about during? I'm sure the largest portion of the problem was related to hormones.

And there you go. Now you know a secret that almost nobody else ever knew.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 25

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

I believe that I am extraordinarily lucky. Where, here, "extraordinarily lucky" means "being carefully watched over by a divine force".

And, yes, I do believe there is a purpose related to this.

And, no. I'm still not entirely sure what that purpose is.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 24

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

I'm totally not making a playlist for a singular person. My brain just doesn't work that way. But I will share some songs that, in my heart, belong to certain people and I can even tell you why.


I feel like I've posted this before, but, for those of you who weren't here or don't already know, this is MonkeyDo's real life name, and the reason for it. Because her name is like a prayer an angel whispers.


This was Chief's song. Because sometimes, with Chief, it was like pulling teeth to get her to come out and play with us. Like all the planets had to be aligned just so and then maybe she'd think about it. And I enjoyed her company so much that I wanted her to come hang out with us all the time. Poopy head.


This is SweetPea & my song. You know. OUR song.


This reminds me of an old friend, who once told me that this song made her think of me. I was never quite sure what to do with that comment. I think she meant it totally innocently, because we generally had the most fun being single together. But sometimes you just don't know.

That's all I've got for you today! I have mentioned my totally random taste in music, right?

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 23

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Given in to the love of fitness earlier. Like way earlier.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 22

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Believed that getting the weight back off would be no big deal.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 21

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Oh, come on. Really?

Let me put it to you this way: If you can let a stupid disagreement stand in your way when your best friend needs you, you have problems.

Maybe your problem is that you're seeing the disagreement as larger than it is. Maybe your problem is that your heartless, arrogant asshole.

Whatever.

Be there for your friends.

The end.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 20

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Gah. I hate this question.

I have a fascination with both and part of my disappointment with always being such a goody two shoes is never having experimented with things like ecstacy or 'shrooms or LSD.

Maybe that's stupid. Maybe it's better that I never did. I don't know.

Mostly I feel like drugs and alcohol are, in and of themselves, relatively harmless. I think the places we take them are what's dangerous. I think so many of us are so prone to addictions and alcohol and drugs are so highly addictive and that's when it becomes a problem.

And, of course, the addictions being such a problem that it's really hard to act like drugs and alcohol are completely innocent. Of course they're not.

I think for normal people, they can be a part of a normal lifestyle. But for most of us, it's best to tread with caution.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 19

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

What do I think of politics? I think it's a subject I try hard to avoid around the Monkeys' dad.

Generally speaking, I'm decidedly more liberal and more conservative than most people realize. I'm also more realistic.

And I'm certainly smart enough to know that politics and business are not the same thing. Just because you've done well (presumably) in the business arena DOES NOT mean your success will translate into politics or civil service. Sorry. That's just not how it works.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 18

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

I like gay marriage so much I went out and got one of my very own.

Heck, I think everyone should have one.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 17

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Oh, well, hell. Really? Isn't this, generally speaking, just about every non-fiction book one reads? Isn't that the point of reading - to learn new things?

In recent history, the most life and view altering book I've read is In Defense of Food. And I strongly recommend it. Unlike most diet and nutrition books, this is written by a journalist, who did copious amounts of research, connecting dots that will surprise you. It will absolutely change the way you think about food, food production, diet and nutrition.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 16

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

All the baggage in my heart and on my ass.

Really.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 15

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

I'm going to avoid (doing the smartass thing and stating) the obvious: air, water, food. But, still, my answer totally relates to my post about The Can'ts. There was a long time that I thought no way could I live without X, Y or Z. You know what? I totally can. I don't need so many of the things that I have felt like I needed. And it is so very freeing to realize and understand that.

As for people... There is nobody I couldn't live without. However, doing so might surely break my heart.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 14

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Generally speaking, my heros are real life humans. They have faults and frailties the same as anyone else. Sometimes they screw up. That's ok. Sometimes I screw up. In the end, I can only be responsible for myself. My actions, my reactions. If someone has let me down, that is my reaction, not something they have done.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 13

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

I'm totally not writing a letter. FYI.

When I went through hell not all that long ago, what got me through a lot of days was things like Eminem, the Blade Trilogy soundtrack (don't judge me), Metallica... Generally hard, driving, angry music. "War" music. But there were also things like k.d.lang's Hallelujah, Enya and Umberto Tozzi - soothing, uplifting, settling music.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 12

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

I thought about being a smart ass with this, but the more I think about it, the harder it is for me to think of something I don't get compliments regarding. Maybe those things just aren't important to me, so I don't notice?

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 11

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Maybe it's my perspective from the focus of my life right now, but I'm getting complimented a lot on my Wicked Smarts. Unique perspective. Good call. I love being competent*, and I love love love when people see that I am.

*That's a Piscean thing. A Pisces would never tell you that she wants to be the best. But I totally do.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 10

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

I make a concerted effort to remember that there is a value to everyone that you know, even if you maybe don't see what it is. No matter how annoyed the person may make you, or trials they put you through, they're in your life for a reason. Even if that reason IS putting you through hell.

As for someone I need to let go... I'm sure I have had friendships in the past that I tried to hang on to well past their expiration date. I'm going to chalk that up to being a Piscean thing. We sure do like to hang on things we like.