I spent last weekend listening.
And every time my brain would grab a hunk of "meat" and try to run off, I'd have to drag it back because I was missing stuff.
There was a lot of great information. More than that, though. It was enlightening and challenging. It was an honor to be able to be part of it and I've still got one weekend to go.
The thing is, while everything we covered made perfect sense to me, while I see this path so clearly and I know the beast that lives in my brain will not give up until I get to its destination, I am so afraid of crossing the threshold from understanding to action.
I have built up so many barriers to protect myself from things I didn't want to deal with and following this path requires tearing them down.
I have to allow myself to feel.
I have to allow myself to be open and receptive and to sit with emotions even when it sucks.
I have to learn how to be open and raw.
I have to learn how to be ok with that and not try to hide it all the time.
I have to learn how to accept that sometimes I'm going to pick up other people's bullshit and that it's ok to sit with that, too, but then I have to let it go because it's not mine.
I have to do this because I believe this is the me I was always meant to be.
I have to learn how to live outside of my comfort zone.
One of the concepts that was discussed was that all it takes to begin amazing things is 20 seconds of courage. I think I may need to learn to live in that moment.
My Lunch Date