Hot on the heels of yesterday's revelation came another.
It meshes thoroughly with yesterday's, and, when I imagined it in practice, I realized that all the angst and frustration I've felt in this particular area was because I was taking the issue to totally the wrong place.
When I got to work this morning, I pulled up my work e-copy of my 101 Things list and promptly struck out number twenty-two.
It was never about the money. It should never have become about the money.
I let the expectations of others drive it in a direction it should never have gone.
It's mine and it's not for sale.
The very heart of it is that the ideal is what I see. Things that strike me as beautiful or worth capturing. People I love. Small capsules of time. Something to remember by when remembering fails.
I even put it down in a serious way because the internal conflict over it was too much for me to reconcile. When I re-evaluated the situation yesterday, in light of my revelation, I finally understood what the issue was.
I would very much still like to work my way to a gallery showing, but that's not about the money. Which means that I can take my time getting there.
I feel so much better.