Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Sunshine, Bullshit and Slacking

The sun has come back to northern California. I don't have any fancy pictures for you, but you can tell because suddenly there are motorcycles everywhere. And, maybe it's me, but they all seem absolutely ecstatic over being able to get out riding again, after weeks of storms.

The return of the sun has ignited an anxiousness for spring, summer and all the wonderful warm weather activities that have been put on hold for months.

Like river rafting, BBQs, driveway parties and generally just being outside without feeling like you're going to freeze your tail feathers off.

Because some of us have become absolute pansies about being cold.

I'm totally blaming this on working out more seriously than I did previous to fall, but I've noticed that I feel cold a lot easier than I remember, and it's a lot more annoying than it seems like it was.

This may be amusing, but at any given time, the question "How are you?" can be answered in any of the following ways:

"I'm cold."

"I'm tired."

"I have to pee."

"I'm hungry."

Yes, really. Although usually I go with “I’m fine, thanks. How are you?” Because, honestly, does anybody really want a truthful answer to that question? No. They don’t.

In other news, I'm still fighting the last pound of the 250's. This battle would probably end more quickly if I quit slacking on workouts and started paying more attention to how many calories I'm consuming. I mean. Duh.

I'm a slacker. This is not news.

In other other news, I really hate that there are mirrors in the group fitness rooms. More accurately, I hate how, sometimes, I can look at myself in those mirrors and see what I guess is what I really look like and all I can think is "I've been doing this how long and I still look like a whale?" And before you all jump down my throat let me address a couple of things:

1. Like many other people, I can frequently look in a mirror and see what I am assuming is a more "airbrushed" version of me. No, I don't look like a super model or anything, but it's a little bit easier on the ego. I'm sure this is a trick my brain plays and mostly I'm ok with that.

2. Realistically, I know that I've lost a decent amount of weight and that I do look smaller. But I'm still fat. And I still look fat. And as much as I try not to let that get to me, sometimes, it still really does. Especially when I'm on the rag.
My running has hit the skids, along with everything else I’ve been slacking on. It started with my last double long run, when I noticed my pubic bone was hurting. I checked with Dr. Google and it seemed a rest was in order. So I rested. Possibly longer than I needed to. And then I signed up for a half marathon. But didn’t stop resting. I tried to go out on a long run over the weekend and it just didn’t go well. I know I’ve talked before about how my brain is often my biggest obstacle and how frustrating that is. It still is. I know what I need to do but there are times when I spend every step fighting with myself about taking the next step. It’s frustrating. It’s harder than it needs to be. And I have no idea how to make my brain shut the fuck up so I can do what I need to do.

And you know I can totally go on and on, but it feels like I’m constantly having this conversation with you about how much I suck, and how I know what I need to do but have such a hard time doing it and, you know what? That’s pretty boring and maybe that doesn’t need to be all I talk to you about.

Moving on.

My “events” calendar is filling up! It’s kind of fun to feel like everyone wants a piece of your time, but it’s also kind of intimidating. I want to make sure I don’t miss anything, but not everything shows up as an invite. I’m afraid I’ll miss on some great thing I could have done because I was too busy getting invited to other things. Weird? This is also why it can be so hard for me to get to sleep at night. I’m like a toddler – afraid to miss a minute! I’m also like a toddler in that I frequently need (but never get) a nap.

I will soon have Big News to share with you. Honest. For reals this time. Each complete with a story that I haven’t written yet. And, yes, that even makes me roll my eyes.

For now, though, I can tell you how much I’m looking forward to the last day in April, which looks a lot like this:



Night (an old friend is singing here that night)(also? SUSHI!)

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