Honestly!

Anna over at Let's See if this Works tagged me for this:

It's been awhile since I've done this, so let's see what I've got.

Rules:

1. Present this award to 7 other bloggers (a variety of reasons are listed, but I like going to honest blogger route).

2. Share 10 honest things about myself.

And away we go:

1. I am almost 35 years old and I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

Every time I think I have an idea of what I want my life to look like, as a whole, I get totally spun around and it seems like all my priorities rearrange themselves until I have no idea what’s the right answer again.

The frustrating part is that all of these pieces, these priorities, are so different from each other. I know they’re all the facets of who I am, but they look like they can’t possibly even be related. I guess, when you put the similarities together, you end up with two totally different lives. Like night and day.

2. On October 3, 2009 I quit smoking (again).

I totally hadn’t planned to, other than the obvious: that I needed to. But I was down to the last cigarette in the pack and made the more or less conscious decision to not purchase another pack. And I know this is going to sound awful, but I really didn’t want to. I didn’t do it because I wanted to quit smoking, or felt like I should, or even, really, felt guilty. The reasons I needed to quit kept piling up and I knew it was only a matter of time, so I just did it.

Don’t get me wrong, it hurt. I didn’t just go “oh, ok, I’m done now”. That third day, especially, was really, really bad. I ended up walking down to Neighbor’s and bumming one (ok, two) of her smokes and, yeah, I felt better. I felt less like someone was going to die. And then the next few days were easier. Every day is easier than the last, but there hasn’t yet been a day where I haven’t felt like there was something missing. Sometimes I feel like I got gypped. Like I gave up this thing I wasn’t ready to give up, yet, and nothing is really that different now.

One foot in front of the other. One day after another. One more box of Good & Plenty’s. It’ll be ok.

3. I am totally and completely obsessed with bath products.

This probably has a lot to do with why I started making them, way back in the day. It also has a lot to do with the part where I still buy them obsessively from other etsy sellers, even though I make a lot of these things myself. I will also own buying bath stuff just to see if I can figure out how it’s made (yes, actually, I can!) so that I can make it myself.

And, yes, Fat Femme Laboratory has a line of bath products that will be coming soon. When? Uuummm… Right after I get up off my lazy ass and start prepping them for sale! It’s overwhelming and humbling that I already have interested parties when only a select few have even received samples. And, yes, this does speak back to #1, but probably not in the way you’d expect.

Oh, and I will totally still be purchasing bath products from other etsy sellers. Is that weird? I just love the lushness of the photos and the packaging and the gorgeous products. It’s even better that I didn’t have to make it myself!

4. My world would not be complete with music.

This is another “I’m obsessed with…” I love music, but it’s more than that. Music helps me tune out and tune in. It helped me get through last year, when things where so bad and I was losing hair by the fistful and my sanity and I wasn’t even entirely sure that I was going to make it through to the other side. There were days when there were things I didn’t do strictly because I was afraid of what that would mean, for me, and there were days when I did things I knew I shouldn’t just because I knew I had to get through and that was the part that was important. Like the day that I spent my lunch break in the truck with the radio cranked, chain smoking and trying not to cry.

I can’t even imagine not having music in my life. My taste runs a wide variety of genres, eras and styles, and you can peruse the Internets Radio to get a glimpse of it. You know those people who say “I like everything, but…”? Well, I have no “buts”. I may not like every single song (or feel like listening to every song at any time), but there’s not much that I don’t like.

And I think I maybe need a larger iShuffle. Heh. (Ooh, and I maybe have a "most played songs" post coming up!)

5. I get discouraged fairly easily.

I know I know I know what I'm supposed to be doing, but it gets so hard when I'm not seeing any results.

6. I have never been one of the "cool kids".

Some days I'm more ok with this than others.

7. I'm kind of socially inept. Um. No, really.

8. Because some of you are new here: I maybe have a mild obsession with Starbucks. It's ok, though. The restraining order is only temporary! :)

9. I once made a grown man cry while working in a call center. I'm still proud.

10. I am a certified investigator. I am also incredibly nosy and capable of digging up information. I enjoy referring to myself as a "Stalkerista". It's part of my charm.

Seven people I'm going to torture award:

1. Dawn - because who knew rock stars lived in Maine?

2. The Femme Fairy Godmother - Leading by example.

3. Sherry - I discovered her through Wordless Wednesday and I just love how open & humorous her blog is. I don't make it over there nearly as often as I should to comment, but I do love her blog.

4. Linus - And not just because he's cute!

5. Wendy of the Athena Academy - Because I think her life is awesome and she's amazing for homeschooling her son in friggin' Korea!

6. D.Suplicki - Because there's nothing better than a sassy, vindictive dork and I love that her profile picture is in Dia de los Muertos makeup. How awesome is that?

7. Is this the part where I admit to being totally horrible? That most of the bloggers I can think to award this to would either never see or never do it? So you tell me: Who do you think I should award this to? If you're one of my "friend bloggers", would you like to complete this meme? Let me know and I'll add you to it!

PS: I really need to leave for the gym, so the part where I let y'all know in person that you've been tagged won't happen until tonight. Oops? So if you're wondering... Well there you go. And ohshit I didn't charge my ipod.