To the Core

Yesterday afternoon I took a nap and had the weirdest dreams. Mostly twisty, curvy, random and surreal, you know the way dreams are. But two parts I remember distinctly, including the part that woke me up.

So the first part that I remember was that a friend from high school moved in with us to take care of me while I was sick. The logic behind this being that this person was more capable of getting down on the floor with me while I puked my guts out into the toilet. Because that makes sense, right? Abandon your life and family, honey, so you can hold my hair while I puke.

Of course, it's not exactly like we have the warren of bathrooms like we had in my dream, either.

Yes, warren. I have no idea why, but there is a recurring theme in my dreams of the strangest mutli-bathrooms ever. Each one has been totally different, too, which adds to the oddness. I totally don't get it, but they're kind of cool, all things considered.

Anyway, the next part of my dream that I remember started with... OK, so we were in this Home Depot-like store, right, and they were having this Ultimate Fighting-style competition, but the guys were in, I shit you not, grown-man-sized toddler walkers. You know what I'm talking about, right? And they were fighting in them, and they had to do drills in them, including that one where you run the tires. Seriously. In baby walkers. And then there was this woman suspended in the air in a johnny-jump-up, and she was demonstrating the proper way to point your toes when swinging back and forth. And then she goes on to say how this helps when you're at the grocery store, because, when you pick out apples, the proper way to do it is to select one apple, turn and put it in the cart, and then turn back to select the next apple. This way you only end up with a couple of apples.

At this point I snorted and told her "Clearly you've never lived with teenagers." Then I went on about how I got the BEST apples at Farmer's Market, the first of the season, and they were REALLY yummy, and so cute & tiny they fit in your hand, look!

And that last part was totally true, because I DID buy first of the season apples and they are cute and small and really tasty and BECAUSE OF THAT I actually woke myself up, mid-dream, because, dammit, I wanted an apple!

Do you know how it feels to wake up mid-REM? Where it actually HURTS to wake up?

Yup. Did it anyway. For an apple.

Don't ever let anyone tell you I'm not really fucking stubborn.