Monday, May 19, 2008

Something Has to Hold It Up

Miss Taylor Swift, we need to talk.

I know you are just a young pup, and I know you sing fabulously, and, as far as I'm aware, you don't sing any songs at all where you're trying to garner sympathy for home wreckers, which pretty much automatically makes you light years better than some ACM Award winners from last night. You even looked gorgeous and refined in that dress last night, and your hair was perfect.

Just look at you:

The dress, the hair, the pose. It all works and you look fabulous.

The problem came when you had to get up and go get your award, didn't it, Miss Taylor?

That camera follows you the whole dang way up to the stage, doesn't it? It doesn't just follow you, Miss Taylor, it looks down on you. Which made it that much easier for us to see that if you had just hunched your shoulders a smidge more, you would have had a very unfortunate wardrobe malfunction.

You were hunching yourself in so much that your poor dress was left with nothing to cling to. Your bodice was visibly flapping about and it's possible that some geek with good equipment can still just the right shot and blow it up in just the right way and maybe get a peek at the goods.

But that wasn't even the end of it, was it, Miss Taylor?

When you got all the way up to the stage, right before you grabbed hold of your award for Best New Female Vocalist, you grabbed two fistfuls of the bodice of your dress and then proceeded to




Oh, Miss Taylor, how could you?

A word to the wise, Miss Taylor... When choosing your dress for any awards show, in particular when you are nominated for an award, remember that your dress will need to look just as beautiful on the red carpet when you're posed and primped as it does while you're hiking your way to the stage, as it does when you climb on stage, hug the presenter and snatch up your statuette. Your dress cannot give up and take a coffee break at any point.

It might be a good idea for you to talk with someone who's been around the awards block a few times. Heck, corner Miss Nicole Kidman and chat with her. Y'all have got about the same hair color right now.

With your build, you may want to consider something with straps for next year. Give your dress a helping hand.

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