Sunday, March 02, 2008

It's That Napping Time of Day

Right now I really want to leash Tatiana up and go for a big long walk. Unfortunately, winds are at 32 mph (from the north, no less), so going outside for any longer than necessary is grossly inadvisable.

I woke up with my allergies kicking my ass and thought over what we did yesterday. It wasn't really any different than any other day, and there were no signs that I was headed for impending allergy issues. Then I realized how windy it was. Even though I wasn't out in the wind, it affects my allergies, even with the house locked up tight.

Insane.

I hate the wind.

I've noticed a couple of things that have been changing about my appearance. I definitely don't like it and it makes me feel old, fat and unattractive. SweetPea says I'm under too much stress and I don't cut loose as much as I should. I know that's not the only issues, though.

There are so many changes I need to make, and it feels so daunting. I know I need to focus on one thing at a time, and that it won't feel so daunting that way, but I just don't even know where to begin.

Hell, even just starting out with a good night's sleep is next to impossible for me. Seven hours seems to be my limit for being in bed, even though I need more sleep than that. It seems like I do best when I get a few hours at night, and then a few hours during the day. But how the hell do I make that work on a daily basis?

How do I de-stress in a way that's healthy, that I will enjoy (and do), and that's going to work for me?

I am so tired and I feel so lazy and everything sounds like so much work that I just don't have the energy for. I haven't made it through a full week of work since January and my leave balances are anorexic. I'd rather stay holed up in the house than just about anything else and I know that's the stress talking. It occurred to me the other day that, hey, at least I haven't been turning to alcohol to alleviate the stress. At this point, though, I wonder if that could possibly make things worse than they are.

So that we're clear, I really don't feel the urge to find out. I haven't felt necessarily pulled towards drinking more, and, generally, am not that interested in drinking.

I don't know. I guess I feel stuck and sinking and intimidated and tired and lazy. There are so many things I want to do and, right now, it just all seems so hard.

Oh, and, in case you're wondering, I have called in a refill on my allergy meds, and I did take one this morning. It's hard for me to stay in the habit of taking them, but I'm going to try. However, I still don't get to go play in the wind, and they're still going to kick my ass throughout the season.

1 comment:

Cath said...

Hey sweetheart! I didn;t know you had a blog here! About not being able to sleep long enough--have you tried getting a mattress topper? We got one of those memory foam toppers and it made a HUGE difference. maybe that would help you too?

Cath(bit)