Saturday, April 30, 2011

Failed


Unless something miraculous happens overnight (and it didn't), I am not starting my very first half marathon right now. All day Friday I got more & more sick. I tried to convince myself that I would be ok as long as it doesn't move into my lungs. But then I got a fever. I had scheduled a half day at work and, when I got home, I took some meds & tried to nap. It would end up taking me seven hours to knuckle up the determination to go to the kitchen for more ice water.

I am heartbroken and angry. I hurt. I want to cry and can't. I feel betrayed by myself. I was so ready. Sure, I was nervous. But I was so ready. I have never felt more confident in a race. This is so not fair & that's stupid because I'm grown but what the fuck. It's not fair.

4 comments:

Susan said...

it is okay. there will be more half marathons that you can do. it wasn't a once in a lifetime thing that can't be done another time. being healthy is important and you have a big fun vacation ahead of you that will be a blast!! you can gear up for the next half marathon when you get back!

Mona Matthias said...

Awwwww. I'm so sorry! You've worked SO hard toward this and I admired you so for doing it. I still admire you greatly! So I'm really glad you're doing the right thing by taking care of yourself! Hugs.

Syrlinus said...

Ya. What Susan said. Seriously, you know now how to prepare for the next one. Get well and then prepare for the next one. :)

Wine Dog said...

You went through an entire house of illness. When your stressing your body to train like that, the bugs will stop by and get you eventually. Susan's right, it wasn't a once in a lifetime. It's the universe's way of giving you a big fat time out. I was crushed the first meet I missed. The first race I missed, but it happens. Now, if it was your first attempt at the Boston, I would have told you to get your ass out there. But it wasn't. And next year I want to hear that you got into the lottery and got into the Dipsea. Just saying.