Unless something miraculous happens overnight (and it didn't), I am not starting my very first half marathon right now. All day Friday I got more & more sick. I tried to convince myself that I would be ok as long as it doesn't move into my lungs. But then I got a fever. I had scheduled a half day at work and, when I got home, I took some meds & tried to nap. It would end up taking me seven hours to knuckle up the determination to go to the kitchen for more ice water.
I am heartbroken and angry. I hurt. I want to cry and can't. I feel betrayed by myself. I was so ready. Sure, I was nervous. But I was so ready. I have never felt more confident in a race. This is so not fair & that's stupid because I'm grown but what the fuck. It's not fair.