Observations from the Weekend

1. I'm positive that there's some sort of fashion rule stating that rhinestone-studded denim is strictly evening wear. Not that I'm advocating the wearing of rhinestone-studded denim. However, if one must indulge, please refrain from doing so before lunchtime.

2. In all fairness, it did take me quite some time to learn about this, but, frankly, there is such a thing as a daytime perfume and an evening perfume. Evening perfume is typically a bit heavier than daytime perfume. Generally speaking, one should not wear evening perfume during the day. Before lunchtime is always, always "during the day" and never, never "evening".

3. To further discuss perfume etiquette, please note that it is, actually, acceptable to use good personal hygiene as an alternative to perfume. Really. Especially if you feel it takes that much perfume to adequately disguise your lack of personal hygiene.

4. Dear Crazy Ass WalMart Checker: If I've put produce in a bag, it's because I would prefer the produce to stay IN the bag. Otherwise, I would not have wasted the bag (hi Gruppie!). I cannot even begin to comprehend why you felt the need to rip open the bag of apples to verify that they were all the same kind of apple. Further, I am even more perplexed at why you felt the need to rip open the bag of bananas. It's not like you sell more than one variety. Also? That conveyor belt? Works best for everyone involved when you leave it on the "moving" setting. That way, when you clear off the front half, everything moves forward and one can continue loading on the freshly available space to the rear or the conveyor belt. Finally, while I appreciate your wanting to make small talk while ringing my purchase, please do not involve yourself in conversations I'm having with my daughter. Further, don't ask how long I'm shopping for. I'm shopping for two fat women and (might as well be) two teenagers. What I purchased today with get us through two weeks, with a mini trip next weekend.

5. I am very thankful that the Monkeys are finally big enough and old enough that they can handle cleaning out the refrigerator, bringing in all the groceries and putting them away. I haven't actually checked, yet, but I'm pretty sure everything was done correctly. At this point, I don't even care if it wasn't. I didn't have to unload and put away a cartful of groceries, and that makes me really happy.

6. Cleaning out a van, vacuuming it, and washing it in one of those coin-op washers is a lot of damn work. I wonder if doing this every other day would count as "working out"?

7. Barnahbus is The Pretty.

8. When it starts to rain again... Just know that I'm sorry.

9. Sunday was SweetPea's grandfather's birthday. We took him out to dinner. A tip for the waitresses of the world: the amount of your tip is directly correlated to whether or not I have to ask for a refill of my drink. Even if I'm drinking water. Even if we've already paid the bill.

10. Last night's waitress got approximately 16%.

11. I take my beverages very seriously.

12. This weekend I managed to get in two naps and oversleep an alarm three times.

13. Tired of getting unsolicited phone books thumped on your doorstep every year? You can go here to opt out. Thanks Gruppie for the link! Now, I'm not sure how well this is going to work. I'm pretty sure the guy just drives along thumping the phone book down on every passing driveway. But it doesn't hurt to try, right?

14. There's a computer virus going around and it's hit at work. They sent out a patch on Friday that's supposed to protect computers from getting it, and our IT staff has been working hard to get it wiped off computers that already have the virus. IT visited my office on Friday because my computer was pulling heavy traffic off the network, so they thought it was infected. HA HA. No, I was surfing etsy. My computer checked out as virus-free, but I guess that means I need to watch my internets usage until this dies down a bit.

15. While at dinner with grandpa, he saw someone he knew and went and had a chat. Just like going out with SweetPea, we can't take grandpa anywhere without him running into someone he knows.