The Thing About Work

Look, guys, I may have mentioned that, really, I'm 12 years old. You may think I was kidding, but, in a lot of ways, I'm really not.

Maybe I can blame this on my spastic Piscean nature, but there are just so many facets to my personality and I'd love to let them all run rampant.

What y'all see when I get to work is the psuedo-professional version of me. Because I am sporting my psuedo-professional facade, here are some things I make sure to do (or not do):

1. I (generally) don't use words like "like" or "dude" or "hella" or "asshat" while speaking with my colleagues about (professional) work related issues

2. I don't wear the black eye shadow to work (except that one time) even though I happen to really like the way it looks on me (Mr. Attorney Dude, meeting you felt just like meeting a celebrity, but I saw The Look before you figured out that I wasn't just some freak, that I was actually that chick you talk to who can hold her own when you start getting into the Legal Speak)

3. I have tattooed nothing that cannot be covered with reasonable clothing

4. I do not come to work in ball shorts and tank tops, even on days when I really really don't feel like dressing like a grown up

5. I (generally) put makeup on before I come in the office

6. I look my coworkers in the eyes when speaking to them (unlike my new manager some of my coworkers who do not)

7. I've adopted colors into my wardrobe that deviate from shades of black

8. I've started wearing shoes made by companies other than Dr. Martens

9. I've generally endeavored to not become The Scary Chick

In exchange for my shouldering of the psuedo-professional daily facade, I expect a few favors in return.

The following list is a good place to start:

1. Pay me

2. Pay me the rate you agreed to pay me

3. Allow me the services I require to do my job (protect the citizens of the state of California)in the manner to which I am accustomed (i.e. excellently and expediently)(and not because you pay me well to do so, but because I have a passion for doing my job to the best of my ability. I am extraordinarily able.)

4. Don't treat me like a smelly road apple on your path to running the state into the ground

5. Definitely don't treat me like I'm expendable, extraneous or unwanted

If you can see your way clear to helping me out with this, I will do my best not to try too hard to have the energy to shine my Docs, find that perfect shade of red-black lipstick, or cut half my hair off and dye the other half bubble gum pink.

Thanks for your consideration,

Your Hippie/Goth/Rockabilly/Punk/New Age/Country Girl Employee

PS: But wouldn't I look cute with Bettie Bangs?