Thursday, April 24, 2008

Where I'm At


Have you ever had a dream? A plan, a goal, a calling?

Where you knew what you wanted to do with your life and maybe you didn't so much know how to go about it, but you at least knew what you wanted?

What if you've just been adrift? You're not really sure where you fit in or what you should be doing and you certainly have never felt anything that could remotely be labeled a "calling".

Sure, you're employed and all. But that's more about doing what needs to be done because it needs to be done and less about what fuels you. And that's all well and good and all, because you understand that sometimes being a grown up means doing things not because they're fun or cool but because it has to get done and it's not like you get a spotter for being grown.

Then you get to the point where that thing that you do because you enjoy keeping the mortgage paid is eating you up and digging into everything that you enjoy and value and making the times where you're not there kind of sucky, too, because it's all about decompressing and trying to get through.

And you realize that the only way to really get out involves having so many balls in the air because you are pulled in so many directions and nothing seems like the "perfect fit" or the "answer". And you have never really been that good at juggling (where here "not good at" may involve things such as "black eye" and "concussion") and, let's face it, it's just possible that you're so lazy it's a wonder you dain to crawl out of bed each day.

And it's just possible that this is the point where you might pitch a seriously whiney hissy fit and want to kick the Universe square in the shins.



Yesterday was a huge wake-up call that our quiet (if lazy and sometimes sucky) life is coming up on a ginormous shake up.

And I'd really like to take a nap, now, thanks.

6 comments:

Wine Dog said...

That's what happens when you don't know what you want to be when you grow up...or you don't want to grow up. I suffer from both afflictions.

dolphyngyrl said...

Stupid having to grow up!

Anonymous said...

Hey Wine Dog... Is it a "bad" thing when BOTH "grownups" in the same family are like this...

Babe... I'll do my best to keep the childhood dailys alive... I'm here no matter what...

Through the thickest of the thin... And the thinest of the thick... Even when the sky turns green... We'll get through this just like anything else...

I love you...

dolphyngyrl said...

I don't know, SweetPea... It seems like it's easier when there's two of us in the same boat. At least we understand and support each other and we're not out there going through this alone.

Anonymous said...

Yeah... I suppose you're right... I mean... We are our own support system... And fan club... Despite what we do... Our structure never weakens... Which is a plus...

If others outside our ring... Want to suport from without... Then so be it... But if they are just there to mock... I say... Let ME eat cake... That'll give them something to talk about...

zandria said...

We all have these feelings sometimes I think. You're not alone!