Monday, April 28, 2008

Put the Crack Pipe Down & Step Away from the Cake Platter

Over the weekend, SweetPea and I caught a commercial for LapBand surgery. This morning, she asked me what I thought about that. We both know people who have had weight loss surgeries with varying degrees of success. I also know that SweetPea's pain doctor has brought it up more than once because getting the weight off will significantly reduce the amount of pain she's in on a daily basis.

So how do I feel about that?

Let's start with a fact. I know y'all have heard me ranting about my weight, about wanting to lose it, about the Eat Less, Move More goal. Some of you may even think it's not that big of a deal, that I can't possibly be that heavy. So here you go:

As of right this very second, my BMI is 43.6.

In case you're wondering, that classifies me as Morbidly Obese. I weigh literally twice what would be a healthy weight for me.

I would qualify for the surgery easily, and could probably get coverage through my insurance and not even have to pay out of pocket. Y'all know how fond I am of silver bullet solutions, and, also, how absofreakinglutely lazy I am. It seems like it'd be the perfect fit, right?

Well, see... Here's where we start getting into the particular neurosis of how my brain works.

I don't want to have surgery. I don't want to go so far as to call it the cheater's way out, but, really, I kind of feel like it is.

I have a coworker who had surgery a couple of years back. I remember listening to her describe to another coworker the things she'd have to do after surgery: no more soda, no more fast food, small, frequent, well-balanced meals. I just wanted to smack her and tell her that if she just did that she'd lose the weight, without having to go through surgery. Yes, she did lose a significant amount of weight after the surgery. She's certainly much thinner. But she's not healthier. She's not stronger. And I have my doubts that she's even managed to hit her healthiest weight range (the back boobs are giving that one away). She's back to her pre-surgery habits: DrPepper & fast food. Sure, she eats less, but it's the same old crap. She doesn't excercise, doesn't watch what she eats. She took her silver bullet, her easy way out, and left it at that.

Here's the deal: I know what I need to do to get the weight off and keep it off. I know the changes that I need to make, and I know that they are life long changes. The body and life that I want aren't going to come from surgery. For me, losing weight is about more than just taking off the pounds. It's about bringing our life as a family to a place that is healthier, happier and infinitely more fun.

I also know what my hang ups are. I know the things that are keeping me from getting there. Will surgery change those things? Nope. It will make it harder for me to make myself fat by doing them. But I am awful stubborn.

I know that SweetPea gets discouraged, as do I. It's easy to do.

I also know she can do it. She's proven it in the past, and I even have photographic evidence to prove it.

It's scary and hard and takes a lot of work. Sometimes you feel like you're spinning your wheels and not getting anywhere and you want to give up because -Hello!- I can be this weight and be eating cake for breakfast instead of fruit. I know this because this is logic that I actively use.

I think, though, that we can get there if we work with each other towards a goal.

Has there ever been anything we couldn't do?

And you are totally going to have to unlearn everything Dr. Atkin ever taught you or I may be forced to staple your lips shut.


Wine Dog said...

Strangely, I understand. I'm sure you've seen me go through the "My knees are jacked so I quit running and gained 45 pounds and now my knee Doc says they'll hurt less if I take of 45 pounds, which would be a piece of cake if I could run" circular logic. It's that eat less shit I can't get right. Fist sized portions and movement. You're on the right track.

Current BMI 35.4

dolphyngyrl said...

See, I suck at both the eat less and the move more. The second part comes down to the lazy, though. Well, lazy plus ginormous to-do list. Circular logic? Damn skippy. Especially when I'm talking myself out of one thing because I should be doing the other and I end up not even doing that! Oops!